


under my skin

by authormin



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, College, Confusion, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hong Jisoo | Joshua & Yoon Jeonghan Are Best Friends, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Soft Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Students, The Author Regrets Nothing, Yoon Jeonghan is Whipped, but like not the toxic kind lmao, really tried i swear, whipped like cream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:20:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23329150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/authormin/pseuds/authormin
Summary: Jisoo thinks he's been in a friends - with - benefits relationship with Jeonghan for the last two  years. Jeonghan thinks he's been dating the love of his life since college started.Jisoo's starting to get tired of feeling hurt all the time because Jeonghan doesn't want more. Jeonghan's realizing that he wants to spend the rest of of forever with Jisoo.Jisoo's planning on ending their relationship at their upcoming two-year anniversary. Jeonghan wants to plan the most elaborate anniversary night he's ever heard of.So. It just depends on who acts first, right?
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Seokmin | DK, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 184
Kudos: 185





	1. nobody's a winner

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PipTook](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PipTook/gifts), [18305632](https://archiveofourown.org/users/18305632/gifts), [arosequartz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arosequartz/gifts), [coffeechoi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeechoi/gifts), [SandyRoses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandyRoses/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my tenth fic am i a veteran now

-

-

Jisoo’s POV

-

-

“You’re being uncharacteristically quiet with me today.”

“Am not.”

“You haven’t complained about your life  _ once _ since we walked in here.”

Jisoo looks up from his now-cold latte and sighs. Seokmin raises his brow slightly. There’s no judgement; just worry concealed with annoyance. “I don’t have anything to complain about today.”

That’s a lie. Jisoo could go on for hours about how much he absolutely wants to  _ die _ because he can still feel Jeonghan’s fingertips ghosting over his cupid’s bow, narrowed eyes roaming lazily over Jisoo’s skin, hot lips pressed into his shoulder. Or maybe about the english lit teacher that’s probably  _ well _ into his forties but makes Jisoo kind of fluttery inside. 

But those aren’t appropriate topics to discuss. 

Jisoo takes a sip of his coffee. 

It slides down his throat like smooth mud. 

“Fine. Can I ask you something, though?” Seokmin is amazing at digging into Jisoo’s sore spots and not letting go until he either breaks and answers with the truth or ends up bawling in his arms. Neither of which Jisoo wants to do right now, in the middle of a rather nice cafe. Lotta Latte. The name makes Jisoo smile. 

It’s really fucking lame.

“Sure.” Jisoo pauses. “You would ask even if I said no, though.”

Seokmin bulldozes over Jisoo’s point and lets out a noise; it’s the type of noise you make when you’re in deep thought. The half-sigh, half-grunt. “Are you ever going to stop?”

Jisoo tilts his head. It’s a relatively easy question; he usually goes for the kill with a,  _ you know he doesn’t love you back, right?  _ Or the ever-so-dreaded  _ seriously, get over him before he finds someone. I don’t want to fish your dead body out of a river. _

The sentence is necessarily dark. 

It’s Seokmin’s personal favorite. 

“The answer is the same as always, Seokmin, probably not.” He looks down at his hands. The fingers that curl around the cup in front of him don’t look like his. Thin and slender. They used to be a bit smoother around the knuckles. Jisoo wishes they were carding through Jeonghan’s hair right now. Not in front of Seokmin, getting death-stared at until he feels his blood dry up. 

In all seriousness, Seokmin’s not as bad as he sounds. Jisoo tends to end up hurting himself a lot more than necessary and Seokmin helps him stay sane whenever he feels like snapping. 

“You know you can come to me if anything goes wrong, right?”

Jisoo lets out a small laugh. Seokmin’s complete flip in attitude is funny for some reason. “I feel like you say that to me every time we talk. But yeah. Thanks.”

Jisoo feels like a burden sometimes. 

“Actually, I make it a point to only ask you every  _ other _ week. I’m not going to be  _ that  _ friend who gets all messed up in your business.”

“Great. But if it isn’t you, then it’s  _ gotta be me _ . How’s it going with Soonyoung? Did you confess like you said you would?”

Seokmin makes a face. “Uh, yeah. He just let out a sigh and told me no, so thanks for  _ that  _ reminder. And besides-”

“And, and, and. So many ands.” Jisoo makes a _ tsk _ -ing sound with his tongue and pretends to shake his head in disappointment. It’s clear that it’s mocking. He breaks out into another smile and Seokmin pulls an even more despaired face. “Maybe you should, just, do what I do and hope that someone will become something else.” 

“That  _ almost _ made sense.” Seokmin chews mindlessly on his straw. “Also, I only said “ _ and”, _ once.”

Seokmin scoffs and dramatically crosses his leg as if the ghost of some rich, black-and-white-movies actress from the 1950’s came to possess his body. He even does the little finger wave as if he just  _ couldn’t be bothered _ . “Dude, don’t take this the wrong way, but I’d rather not drown in my self pity after every single time I sleep with the guy I’m secretly in love wi-”

Seokmin stops talking, which literally  _ never _ happens unless it’s one of three things. 

One, if Soonyoung is in the same room as him. (For obvious reasons.)

Two, if Seungcheol is in the same room as him. (He’s as soft as a teddy bear but built like a brick wall. Something about that just doesn’t sit well with Seokmin and makes him all clammy. Honestly, Jisoo gets it. But at the same time, not at all.)

Three, if Seokmin’s mouth dries out from the amount that he’s talked that he has to pause and wet his lips again. (This happens more than one would think.)

Jisoo looks around. 

It’s not the first two, so Jisoo waits for him to take a drink of his lemonade. Rivulets of water fall down the side of the plastic cup and Seokmin’s eyes widen. 

“Look behind you.”

Jisoo looks behind him. 

Jeonghan narrows his eyes into crescents and gives Jisoo a smile. 

Jisoo nearly falls off of his chair. Jeonghan waves, completely oblivious to the panic that rises within Jisoo. 

“What the hell is he doing here!” Jisoo gets up, shoving his coat on. No matter how much of a rush Jisoo’s in, he takes the time to put his coat on because he can’t risk getting sick and missing class. (Yes, he’s  _ that  _ student, the one who would drag his dead body out of a coffin to get to class.) “I can’t talk to him now!”

Seokmin grabs hold of Jisoo’s wrist in the midst of his frantic movements and says, “Hey. Calm down, Jisoo. It’s like you forget that you and Jeonghan are  _ actual friends _ sometimes.”

“Jisoo?” 

How the hell did he get in so fast? 

Jeonghan doesn’t look at Jisoo. He stares at Seokmin’s hand still clasped to Jisoo and Jisoo feels himself flush. 

Is Jeonghan jealous?

Jisoo wants him to be. 

What would a jealous Jeonghan look like? (Pretty hot, he assumes.)

“H-hey, Jeonghan. I haven’t seen you in a while.” That’s a lie; Jisoo was in his bed two hours ago, crying and writhing underneath him without a single  _ ounce _ of shame. Letting out streams of incoherent words that had transformed into moans halfway. He doesn’t like reliving it. “I just came to get coffee.”

Seokmin drops his hand and also drops his head, refusing to meet any of their eyes but also not obvious enough to just get up and leave. 

Jeonghan pulls his eyebrows together. “You didn’t want to get coffee with me?” Jisoo bites the inside of his mouth. Jeonghan had asked him before. Jisoo said he was busy; said he had things to do. “I’m a bit sad, Hong Jisoo. I even offered to pay.” 

Jeonghan nods to Seokmin, who stoically bends his neck forward. It’s between acknowledgment and iciness. Jisoo’s kind of grateful for that. 

“Sorry. How about Friday?” Jisoo hopes Jeonghan says no. He hates the false hope that arises into his heart every time he does these  _ domestic _ things with Jeonghan. He hates himself for even letting himself think about it. If Jeonghan could just be a fucking dick to him outside of the bedroom, it’d be so much easier. For Jisoo to say no, for Jisoo to stop liking him, blah, blah, blah.

“Okay. Promise?” Jeonghan flashes him his million-dollar smile. 

Ugh.

“Promise.”

“Alright. Well, I’ve got to go. Bye, Jisoo.” Jeonghan turns around and then his step stutters. “Bye, Seokmin.” Jeonghan’s voice is tight and kind of gravelly all of a sudden, but he’s gone with a whisk of his coat. Soekmin doesn’t have the time to answer.

“He scares the shit out of me, Jisoo.”

Jisoo drops into his seat, knees buckling and unable to hold him up any longer. 

“Me, too.”

-

-

Jeonghan’s POV

-

-

“I don’t want to be  _ that _ boyfriend, but I’m uncomfortable with Seokmin.”

Soonyoung looks up lazily from where he’s lying down on his bed. He throws his phone down with a sigh. 

“And I don’t want to be  _ that _ friend, but don’t worry about it. Seokmin’s just a friend.” Soonyoung goes back to scrolling on his phone. 

“I saw them at the coffee shop today.” Jeonghan’s back is against the side of the bed. He draws his knees up to his chest and curls up. “He told me he was busy.”

Jeonghan does  _ not _ appreciate the scoff that makes its way out of Soonyoung’s throat. It feels strangely condescending. Even though he totally deserves it. 

“Has it ever occured to you that couples don’t need to do everything together after sex? You realize that maybe he had plans earlier, right? That being with you isn’t the only thing he knows how to do?”

Jeonghan hates Soonyoung when he gets all  _ rational _ . 

“Whatever.” Jeonghan’s about to retort with something about Seokmin (it’s the one thing that eggs Soonyoung no matter what) but his phone dings from inside his pocket. He takes it out and scrolls through a text. “Let’s go to Mingyu’s room. Seungkwan and Chan bought pizza and they have something to announce.”

Soonyoung lets out a strangled groan. “I  _ literally _ just lied down.”

“Free food.”

Soonyoung makes the same noise again. “Fine.”

Soonyoung’s stomach speaks louder volumes than his unwillingness to move. He’s exceptionally lazy outside of the practice room. 

Walking to Mingyu’s dorm is quick and very painful. Soonyoung complains about sore thighs the whole way and about how his latest fuck-buddy had gone too hard. 

Jeonghan. 

Does not. 

_ Care _ . 

(But he puts up with it with well-timed  _ hmms _ and carefully placed  _ oh, that’s not good _ ’s because he complains a fair amount and Soonyoung shows him the same courtesy.)

“Open up!” Soonyoung pounds Mingyu’s door like it’s a drug bust. “We’re here!”

Seokmin’s face is the one to greet them. His smile drops and Jeonghan pretends like he’s too busy playing with the hem of his shirt to see. Soonyoung doesn’t seem to notice, though, and says hello with his usual chipper. It kind of unnerves Jeonghan sometimes, of how much Soonyoung  _ doesn’t  _ see. 

Or maybe he just chooses not to care. 

Either way. Jeonghan doesn’t know which one he thinks is worse.

“Come in, everyone’s here.” Seokmin disappears into the room and Jeonghan and Soonyoung follow. 

Mingyu has the second largest dorm out of all of them, partly because his two other roommates no longer show up. One of them took a break year and the other just hangs out in his girlfriend’s room all the time. (Jisoo, Seokmin, and Wonwoo have the biggest rooms because they’re actually able to  _ afford _ the singles, but they all hate when everyone hangs out there because they’re all uncontrollable neat freaks and  _ will _ cry if even so much a bread crumb finds itself on the carpet floor.)

Soonyoung stops quickly in his tracks and Jeonghan bumps into his shoulder. 

“What the hell? Keep walking!”

“I don’t think Seokmin’s the one you have to be worried about.”

Jeonghan looks to the side and sees Jisoo’s head in Mingyu’s lap; the rest of his body is spread out and Mingyu casually runs a hand through Jisoo’s hair like he’s petting a dog. 

Jeonghan’s stomach lurches and the smell of pizza grease makes him feel queasy. 

His first instinct is to punch Mingyu. But those days are over so he sucks in a sharp breath and moves out of Soonyoung’s way so he doesn’t have to see the  _ look _ on his face. 

“Hey, Jeonghan. Soonyoung. Sit down and grab a slice.” Seungkwan looks up with an oily smile, shiny lips stretched apart from ear to ear. Jeonghan can’t help but smile back. His knees feel stiff. 

“Hi, Jisoo.” Jeonghan tries to keep his expression as neutral as possible. Jisoo doesn’t mean any harm by it. He’s just lying down. 

Jisoo looks like he’s embarrassed. “H-hey, Jeonghan.” He gets up and Mingyu retracts his arm without looking up from his conversation with Wonwoo. It makes Jeongan relieved. Mingyu was just doing it out of habit. That’s fine. “We’re seeing each other a lot today.” 

Jeonghan nods and pats the spot next to him tentatively. It’s casual enough that it looks like a random movement but it could also be an invitation for someone to sit there.

Jisoo takes it as an invitation. 

“Come over today.”

Jisoo flushes and looks around, like he’s making sure no one else can hear their conversation. “I don’t know, it still kind of hu-”

“To cuddle, Jisoo.” Jeonghan takes hold of Jisoo’s hand and wants to burn his name into it. “I’m not a monster.”

He wants to consume Jisoo whole. 

“Alright.” Jisoo says it quietly. 

“Guys, listen up! We have news to celebrate!” Seungkwan claps his hands together and Hansol squeals as attractive as anyone who squeals can. The tomato sauce on Seungkwan’s hands splatters. “Chan and I have good news! Well, actually, it’s just Chan but I found out first by accident because I read the mail that was his but like, you know, and so-”

“Seungkwan, shut up!” Seokmin says, and taps Chan on the knee. Seungkwan lets out an impressive string of curses. Seokmin blocks him out. “What is it, Chan?”

Chan flushes. “I’m getting into next year with a full ride! I was waitlisted last year, but they said that my grades and extracurriculars were enough this year!”

Jeonghan claps and hoots along with everyone else. Even Jisoo breaks out of his spacy mold and cheers along. 

It seemed like everyone needed something good. 

“C’mon, there’s like five boxes, eat up!” Seungkwan motions to the pile of boxes on the side and Jeonghan can’t find the will to eat. Jun smiles and says something that Jeonghan can’t hear, pauses, and then attacks his slice with such ferocity that no one can do anything but laugh. 

Jisoo leans off of him and crosses his legs. 

-

-

Jisoo’s POV

-

-

Jisoo throws himself against his bed so hard the frame screeches and hits the wall with a thud. Wonwoo whistles. 

“Impressive.”

Jisoo moans. The sound is muffled from the pillow under him and Jisoo kind of wants to just suffocate and die. 

Jisoo responds with a vague  _ piss off _ . He can’t even hear himself and Wonwoo does nothing but take a seat on his chair. Jisoo can tell because the chairs kind of squeak every time someone sits on it. 

“I need help.” Jisoo turns over. The only reason he does so is because he can’t breath with cotton being shoved down his throat. He feels his eyes water. “I hate everything.”

“You sound like me in eighth grade. Jisoo, just, break it off. It’s not worth feeling like shit every time he says something nice to you.”

“Eighth grade? Man, I thought  _ I _ had issues.”

Wonwoo rolls his eyes with a lackluster amount of energy. 

Jisoo has been by Jeonghan’s side since they were born. He can’t just  _ leave _ . There’s just something so fundamentally basic about Jeonghan to Jisoo that he can’t forget. He’s not just someone he met in college, at a bar, through friends. 

Jeonghan has been his friend since the beginning.

It’s never Jisoo. 

It’s always Jisoo and Jeonghan. 

Jeonghan and Jisoo. 

He can’t just leave that. 

“Look, I can’t say I understand your little rat brain, but I can understand how you feel. Obviously you’re not stupid, Jisoo, and you can tell that you’re hurting yourself. And that you’re not just going to be able to cut him out of your life. But start saying no from time to time, no matter how much you want to. Ease out of it.”

The chair squeaks again, letting Jisoo know that Wonwoo’s gotten up. He feels a soft hand press into his shoulder reassuringly and Jisoo hopes that Wonwoo can tell he’s thankful. 

The door closes quietly behind Wonwoo. 

-

-

Jeonghan’s POV

-

-

Jeonghan can actually  _ hear _ Soonyoung’s eyes rolling. Like, the physical motion of his eyes spinning so deep into his head that Soonyoung can see into his own brain, is audible to Jeonghan. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, really, Soonyoung? You have no idea?”

Soonyoung settles into the cheap white couch they have in their “living room”, thin but cushioned and wide enough that someone could crash there if need be. Ikea really does make the best shit for near-broke college students. 

“Yes,  _ Jeonghan _ , I have no idea what you mean.”

“Seokmin practically killed himself the minute you looked at him. What’s going on between the two of you?”

Soonyoung shrugs. “He told me he liked me. I said sorry.”

Jeonghan nods his head like he understands. But he doesn’t. Jisoo had accepted his confession within seconds and that was that. 

He smiles thinking of the day. 

Soonyoung scoffs. “Everyone thinks I’m mean to him.”

“Well?” Jeonghan shrugs. “Can you blame them?”

“Do  _ you _ think I’m being mean? To Seokmin?”

“Yes, and no. You need to understand that he confessed because he  _ liked _ you, and it probably took him a lot of courage, as talkative and forward as he is. But at the same time, it’s also not your fault that you don’t like him. But still. You probably said it in a mean way and now he has to deal with that.”

Soonyoung doesn’t exactly nod; just lets his neck kind of hang forward like he’s thinking. His eyes flit downwards. 

Jeonghan wants to go see Jisoo all of a sudden. Talk about things. Touch him. Jeonghan doesn’t really care if it’s the first one or the second one or both. 

_ I’m tired _ . 

Okay.

That’s okay. 

Jisoo should take his rest. 

-

-

Jisoo’s POV

-

-

“Do you have an explanation for this?”

Jisoo holds the offending piece of paper in his hand. Chan, Seungkwan, and Mingyu absolutely wither under his strongest glare. Which isn’t that strong. But it’s the thought that counts. 

“We were trying to get them together.” Seungkwan says it as if it’s the most fucking obvious thing on earth. Like, Jisoo should just have  _ known _ that. 

Jisoo throws the paper down. “You have, on an Excel spreadsheet, the different measurements of Seokmin’s dick! And the circumference of Soonyoung’s ass? Do you understand. How fucking  _ creepy  _ that is! Why would you know that?  _ How _ \- actually, I don’t wanna know. You guys, this crosses the line! I get that you think-”

Mingyu holds up a defensive hand. “To be fair, Soonyoung did  _ not _ fight us when we asked if we could measure his ass.”

Chan nods furiously in agreement. “And Seokmin was sleeping pretty heavily -”

“That is  _ sexual harassment _ !” Jisoo screams, wondering  _ why _ he needs to be here today, asking these people, why they’re going around measuring peoples’ genitals. 

“It was with good intentions!” Seungkwan cracks his gum. “Besides, he was kinda packing, not gonna lie.”

“Seungkwan. That is a testimony that would send you  _ to jail _ .” Jisoo closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. There’s an awful lot of pressure on his sinus. “Jesus fucking  _ Christ _ .”

“Ah, whatever. What’s done is done.” Mingyu smiles. “Just, shut up,  _ mom _ .”

Jisoo frowns. They’re all fucking  _ crazy _ . “Don’t do anything stupid, okay? This is really fucking wierd and Seokmin’s kind of hurt and -”

“Why, who hurt him?” Soonyoung walks through the door. Jisoo nearly throws up in surprise. Like literally, he feels his gag reflex kick him in the throat. He’s forgotten that Soonyoung tends to just wander between dorms and today, he must have felt inclined to drop by Mingyu. 

Seungkwan lets out a snort. It’s loud. It’s slightly insulting. It’s very much directed towards Soonyoung. “Who else bu-”

“His ex!” Mingyu smiles awkwardly and Chan’s eyes widen, telling him to pelase  _ shut the fuck up _ through telepathy. Jisoo grits his teeth. “He has this ex, and he’s kind of being a dick about everything and we’re just feeling for him, you know?”

“Oh. That’s not good.” Soonyoung throws himself onto the couch. 

Jisoo stands there, amazed. Like actually  _ amazed _ . 

Soonyoung is either the most fucking dense person to walk the grounds of Earth or he knows  _ exactly  _ what he’s doing. 

“Yes, hyung, it’s not good.” Chan looks at Jisoo warily.

“Yeah. I just said that. Do you guys have soda? I’m thirsty.”

Jisoo, Seungkwan, Chan, and Mingyu collectively make eye contact and give each other slight smiles. Fine. Jisoo’s gonna let this slide. 

Soonyoung knows  _ exactly _ what he’s doing. 

Soonyoug doesn’t drink soda. Ever. 

_ Ever.  _

-

-

“He knows  _ exactly  _ what he’s doing,” Mingyu says. 

“He knows  _ exactly _ what he’s doing,” Seungkwan says.

“He knows  _ exactly _ what he’s doing,” Chan says.

“You guys need to stay  _ out of this _ ,” Jisoo says, trying to look all three people in the eyes at once. It proves to be a hard task. “You need to not  _ look _ at Soonyoung and Seokmin, you need to not  _ touch  _ Soonyoung and Seokmin, you need to not  _ talk _ to Soonyoung and Seokmin, you need to not  _ breathe _ around Soonyoung and Seokmin.” Jisoo clasps his hands tightly. He tries to keep his expression on the verge of  _ imploring _ , but he’s pretty sure he looks more like a frustrated and constipated cat. 

“But it’s literally  _ right there _ . Their relationship is  _ right there _ . We need to push them in the right direction, is all.” Mingyu leans back in his seat like he’s got the answer to life figured out. 

Jisoo lets out an exasperated sigh. “Remember the time you guys thought it would be good to try and help me and Jeonghan out? Because you thought that we  _ needed a push _ ?” Jisoo makes his air quotes as mocking as possible. 

Seungkwan rolls his eyes. “Yeah. But in our defense, rose petals and champagne? It’s practically God’s fault for not letting that work.”

Jisoo shudders at the memory. In fear or in disgust, he doesn’t know. “You spelled out  _ eat my ass _ with the roses. And illegally obtained alcohol from your uncle while he was out of town.”

“But here’s the question. Did he?” Seungkwan gives him a shit-eating face. Which is kind of fitting, in some sick way. 

Jisoo flushes. “No one asked you to do it! What  _ are  _ you three, the Cupids of our generation? Guys, drop it before one of them or one of you gets hurt.”

“How would we get hurt?” Mingyu makes a face. “It’s for  _ them _ .”

Just as Jisoo’s about to respond with a  _ well thought out _ answer, Seokmin flies into the room with wet eyes. He closes the door behind him and sniffles. 

The four of them are all over Seokmin within seconds. 

  
  


“Seokmin, what happened?” Chan presses a hug into Seokmin’s side.

“Soonyoung told me to stop using you guys to bother him. I don’t even know what he’s talking about. I just -” Seokmin sniffles again. “I was just eating my lunch.”

Jisoo gives a disappointed glare at Mingyu, Chan, and Seungkwan, who are all starting to recoil into themselves in realization that it’s  _ their _ fault. “That’s how people get hurt.”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. I guess.” Seokmin lets out a shaky sigh and looks down at the floor. “Um, I think I’m gonna go take a nap. If you guys don’t mind.”

Seokmin walks off to his room without a word and Jisoo waits until he hears the click of the lock before turning two the Three Fucking Stooges in front of him. 

“Fix this.”

“Okay, okay, we will. But I didn’t think Soonyoung w-”

“Enough.  _ Fix. This _ .”

  
  


“Yeah, we know.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> but ok hear me OUT
> 
> i -
> 
> ok ok to the people i "gifted" this to, ik i never mentioned something like this but like omg i just - your comments and thoughts always make my day and i really just wanted to do something bigger than just thank you guys constantly in the responses. get ready for a finally not tragic fic where the suffering will be kept down to a slight boil !! love yall sm.


	2. don't be such a bully

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi lovelies !!!

-

-

Jisoo’s POV

-

-

“It’s not that your sighing doesn’t make the  _ best _ background music, but like, Jesus Christ, Jisoo. You’re gonna take up all the oxygen in the room with those breaths.” Seokmin places a cup of coffee down on the study table and Jisoo bats at it to acknowledge its presence. “What’s wrong?”

  
  


“I’ve been procrastinating my essay for about two weeks now. I’ve got exactly fifty-seven hours to write a ten page paper.”

  
  


Seokmin feigns a sniffle. “God. It’s the first time this whole week you haven’t been sad about Jeonghan. I feel like I’m gonna live.”

“Ugh. Fuck off.” Jisoo takes a sip of his coffee. Two creams and three sugars. The first drop of liquid hitting his tongue is like a rebirth. Jisoo feels like he’s gonna survive. “I hate you.”

“You  _ love _ me!” Seokmin makes some unintelligible noise and takes his seat at the table. He whips out his own book and starts flipping through it. Jisoo puts his head down again and his cheek turns cold where it touches the table. 

“ _ Fuck off _ and  _ I hate you _ don’t exactly indicate love. But I’m not surprised, coming from the guy who failed korean literature last semester.”

“Hey! That was  _ not _ my fault, you  _ know _ Mr. Jung just had it out for me! Honestly, I really think he failed me on purpose. He looked at me with like,  _ pure _ hatred. Anger in its rawest form.”

“Maybe that’s because for the first assignment you read the prompt wrong and wrote twenty pages of bullshit.”

Seokmin has no comeback for this and Jisoo accepts the silence as his victory. (Seokmin had accidentally read the prompt wrong and instead of writing about the procedure of correct grammar structure in korean, Seokmin wrote twenty pages on the influence of Shakespeare on western language. To this day, Jisoo doesn’t know  _ how _ Seokmin had so terribly misinterpreted the question. It had, in one phrase,  _ been a disaster _ . It was even worse when Mr. Jung handed back Seokmin a big, fat 0%, but told him that if the prompt  _ had  _ been about Shakespeare’s influence on western writing, he would’ve gotten close to a hundred.)

“Shut up and write your essay, asshat.”

“I’m  _ trying _ .” Jisoo sighs and reads the prompt for maybe what’s the millionth time today since he’s sat down. “But I don’t know what I want to write about.”

“What class is this for again?” 

“Math. But since I’m a dual major Dr. Kim wants me to connect my two studies together. I might just have to throw myself into a river with chains tied around myself.”

“What’s the topic? Maybe I could help. I didn’t get myself into this university for nothing, after  _ all _ .”

“It’s an analytical research paper on the relationship between the development of mathematics and its contribution to biotechnology in modern times.”

  
  


Seokmin blinks. 

“Yeah. Sucks for you. I’ll call the police once you’re done with the drowning thing.”

The guy at the table next to them suddenly looks up and waves to get Jisoo’s attention. Seokmin gives him a weird look, but Jisoo ignores it. 

“Yes?” Jisoo says, kind of unsure if it’s directed towards him. “Me?”

The guy smiles. “Yeah! Yeah, well, I mean, I don’t know you but I have Dr. Kim’s course right now, too! But I’m in a different block, I guess, since we don’t have the same period.”

Jisoo nods, still rather hesitant. “Y-yeah, I have him on his Wednesday morning classes.”

“Oh, cool! I have him on Wednesday afternoons. I can’t wake up early.” The guy smiles. He seems nice enough. “Anyways, I’m Johnny.”

Jisoo smiles. “You’re American?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. Uh, actually, call me Youngho. I keep forgetting that I’m trying to go by my Korean name here.”

“You moved recently?”

“Oh, yeah, maybe four months ago? I transferred.”

Seokmin and Jisoo make eye contact. It’s hard to not be surprised. 

They go to a good university. The transfer rate is less than one percent, and coming from overseas? Even lower. 

Youngho must be a  _ genius _ to have been able to transfer. 

  
  


“Th-that’s amazing.” Jisoo clears his throat. Jesus. “Um, well, I’m Jisoo, and this is Seokmin. He’s a chem major. I’m a math and bio major.”

Youngho waves to Seokmin. “Wow, you guys are so smart! I’m a physics major.”

Seokmin blinks. “Y-you’re saying that  _ that’s _ not impressive?” 

Youngho waves his hand. “Ah, it’s just all memorization and formulas. Everyone exaggerates. Oh,  _ oh _ , crap! I was supposed to meet with the counselor today! Crap, I’m gonna be late!”

“Oh, you’re transferring a class?” Jisoo asks, while he watches Youngho bolt up in his seat and grab his stuff. 

“Uh, yeah. Um, what’s it called? I’m taking English Lit Four, I think.” 

“Afternoon class, on Fridays?”

“Yeah! How’d you know?”

“That’s the highest level english class, so not many people are qualified to take it. But I’m in it, so I guess we both have friends in there now.” Jisoo smiles. “I don’t really know anyone, because they’re all upperclassmen.”

“Wow, that’s great! Wait, can I get both of your numbers? It’s been kind of hard to get to know people because everyone thinks I’m incapable of conversation, even though I’m, you know, fluent in Korean.”

“Sure!” Seokmin looks giddy. (He loves social interaction. He could probably get himself invited to a stranger’s wedding if left to his own devices.)

“Of course.” Jisoo’s a bit less energetic about the whole thing, but he’s still happy he’s in the class with someone he knows. It’s kind of hard to do group projects when the only people who want to work with him are the fourth-year girls who want to get closer to Jeonghan. 

Youngho leaves in a flurry of sound and waves and once he flies out the cafe doors, Seokmin gives Jisoo a grin. 

“Hey, you should go for it with him, Jisoo! Well, I mean, I don’t know if he likes guys or not, but I could always find out! He’s so nice, he’d be  _ perfect _ for you to forget about Jeonghan with!”

Jisoo sips his coffee. “First of all, that’s manipulative and cheap. I refuse to date someone as a rebound or because I’m looking  _ for  _ a rebound. And second of all, I was kinda thinking he’d be perfect for  _ you _ .”

  
  


Seokmin gives him a confused look. “Huh? Me?”

  
  


Jisoo sighs. He thinks of Mingyu, Seungkwan, and Chan. Those fucking idiots. 

  
  


They still haven't managed to get Soonyoung to apologize. 

“Yeah, you. Look, I know the three fucking Stooges have tried their best to get Soonyoung interested, but at the end of the day, he doesn’t like you in the same way. And that sucks. Because you guys would be so cute together. But Johnny’s like your perfect guy, Seokmin. Nice, kind, friendly, smiles a lot? The total opposite of Soonyoung. Who’s an asshole a lot of the time and not good enough for you. And even if we  _ are _ all friends, his personality annoys me sometimes. He shouldn’t be so mean about not being able to return your feelings.”

  
  


Seokmin offers Jisoo a quick smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He looks dejected. “I know. I’m kind of over him, at this point. I tried, you know? And I really don’t think I did anything wrong. I kept my limits. I confessed without trying to pull a move on him. I just - I guess he really just saw me as a friend.”

Jisoo can’t hold the scoff back that escapes his lips. “Whatever. We’re getting revenge.”

“Huh?”

-

-

Soonyoung is conveniently placed in the room, with Minghao, Jun, Jeonghan, and Hansol lazing around in various places. Minghao and Jun are doing their daily “platonic cuddling” on the end of the couch, and Hansol scrolls through his phone on the other end. He doesn’t seem to care (or notice) the fact that Minghao and Jun are flushing so hard they look like they’re about to blow up any second. Jeonghan’s sprawled out on the floor, back propped up against the giant bear stuffed animal that he owns. Soonyoung is sitting at the kitchen table, tiredly eating a protein bar. 

Jisoo and Seokmin walk in, and Soonyoung’s the only one to not greet them. 

Jeonghan pats the empty space next to him and Jisoo makes a beeline for it. Seokmin puts himself down on the floor in front of the TV, holding his bag close to his body. 

  
  


“How was your day, Jisoo? Did you get any of the paper done?” Jeonghan pulls Jisoo into his body. 

It feels so  _ natural _ . 

“Yeah. I wrote about three pages. I can finish some more tonight.”

“Good. Did anything else happen?”

Jisoo pauses for a moment. “Uh, yeah. Seokmin  _ met _ someone today.”

Jeonghan  _ oohs _ . With how far his legs are spread, he can nudge Seokmin’s thigh with his socked foot, which is exactly what he does. “Spill, man? Who is it?”

Seokmin glares at Jisoo. “Hey, it was  _ Jisoo _ that he was interested in.”

Jeonghan’s grip around Jisoo’s shoulder gets tight. “He  _ what _ ?”

Seokmin moves back a bit. “Well, I mean, I’m pretty sure he’s straight. But he was nice to the both of us.”

Jisoo looks to his side and watches Jeonghan’s face flash with anger. “Jeonghan, what’s wrong? He didn’t attack us or something. I didn’t even say anything.”

“Well, it’s just, I don’t like it.”

Jisoo wants to frown but he doesn’t. _ It’s not Jeonghan being jealous,  _ he tells himself.  _ It’s just, when you know everything about someone, you can’t help but feel overprotective.  _

“Okay. Sorry.”

Seokmin gives Jisoo a look that says,  _ don’t apologize for that _ . 

“No, no, it’s fine. I can’t tell you to not talk to anyone.” Jeonghan rubs circles on Jisoo’s shoulder. It feels nice. “That’s not right.”

“Still, I’m sorry.” Jisoo wonders why he’s saying sorry. He really didn’t do anything wrong. 

Minghao sighs. “Can you two lovebirds shut up and get back to the story? I wanna know who Seokmin’s mystery man is.”

Jisoo smiles. “Hell yeah. He’s this guy from America who transferred here. He must be a genius, because he’s a physics major.”

Seokmin butts in with a, “Plus, he’s really cute”, to which Soonyoung scoffs at. 

“Wow, he really must be smart.” Hansol looks up with a blank face. Minghao throws a cushion at him. “Hey, what was that for!”

“You’re studying physics, too,  _ dumbass _ . You’re smarter than all of us combined!”

Hansol yawns. “Yeah, yeah.” He stops mid-stretch, with his back awkwardly twisted up like a pretzel. “Wait, are you talking about Youngho? He’s in like half my classes. You’re talking about the tall guy with brown hair and the soft voice, right?”

Seokmin nods. “Yeah, that’s him.”

Hansol puts his phone down and slinks onto the floor. His limbs are probably hurting. He tends to spend a lot of time cooped up in his dorm room studying. Today must be a rare rest day. “He’s really nice. I’d like to call us friends, I guess. I saw him having a hard time fitting in so I guess I kind of saw myself in him.”

“And Seungkwan’s not jealous at all?” 

Jun frowns. “Soonyoung, stop poking at everyone’s sensitive side today.”

Soonyoung bites back with a, “I’m not being mean, fuck off.”

“You were mean right  _ now _ , though?” Minghao points out. 

  
  


Jisoo senses that the tension in the room is starting to get tighter. Even Jeonghan doesn’t brush Soonyoung’s bitterness with a joke like he normally does. 

Soonyoung clenches his jaw and gets up from his seat so hard that the chair falls backwards. It clatters onto the linoleum floor with a loud clang. “Whatever, man. At least I’m not a loser who falls in love with anyone who shows me a shred of kindness.”

Seokmin gets up at this and throws down the cushion that he’s been cradling. “H-hey, I never fell in love with anyone! And, stop it, stop being so rude! Jeez, I said I’d get over you, and right now, I am. Why do you need to be so  _ mean _ , Soonyoung, I made a new friend today! You’re right, I  _ do _ like nice people, and Youngho was nice! What’s it to you if I start liking him or not, huh?  _ You’re _ the one who scoffed at me when I confessed.  _ You’re _ the one who told our friends to  _ fuck off _ because you thought that  _ I _ was responsible for their actions. We  _ get _ it, Soonyoung, you don’t  _ like _ people. I get it. I get it. Jesus fuck, I. Get.  _ It _ .”

Over the course of his screaming, Seokmin’s voice starts to go up in pitch like someone’s turning the frequency up on a radio. Jisoo and Jeonghan quickly sit up, the both of them prepared to stop Soonyoung if he decides to turn this into a fight. Even Jun, who’s always wearing an expression of peace, tightens up and pulls himself out of Minghao’s hold. 

“You don’t know  _ anything _ ,” seethes Soonyung. “Shut  _ up _ .”

“Yeah, of course I don’t know anything, you won’t  _ tell _ me.” 

“And it’s gonna stay that way.”

“Good! Do you think I  _ care _ anymore? I have my boundaries too, you know. I won’t keep liking someone who’s being the world’ biggest fucking asshole to me and everyone and him. I didn’t ask for a backstory. I didn’t ask for a reason. I didn’t ask.”

And with that, Seokmin grabs his backpack from the side of the table where it had been resting and storms out. Jisoo clears his throat a bit, just to get Jeonghan’s attention. 

“I’ll go with him, Jeonghan.”

“Y-yeah. Go, Jisoo. Let me know how he is.”

Hansol gets up, too. “I’ll go with.” He turns to look at Soonyoung. “You need to realize that people get tired of your bullshit once in a while. Just because we’re all friends doesn’t mean we’ll put up with you being so blatantly abusive to someone who did nothing.”

It’s like a chain reaction. Minghao stands up and heads off to the door. “We all care about you, too. But at the end of the day Seokmin never crossed the line and did nothing that you didn’t agree to. Stop making this his fault. He did nothing wrong.”

Jisoo slips out with Hansol and Minghao as Soonyoung yells something from behind the door. 

“I don’t give two flying fucks, go tell that to Seokmin.”

  
  


Jisoo closes the door and it clicks shut. 

Hansol sighs. “Soonyoung’ll come around.”

Minghao shrugs. “If he doesn’t, it’s his loss.”

“I don’t what I should be thinking, you guys,” Jisoo wrings his hands out and feels sweat forming on his palms. “I mean, Soonyoung has a reason to act this way. But he’s abusing that reason to the limit. I just hope Seokmin doesn’t take this to heart.”

Hansol sighs. “Seokmin must feel confused. I mean, his best friend of seven years started hating him a couple of months ago. It would hurt anyone.”

Jun nods. “Yes. It would be sad for their relationship to get worse. I do hope they can work it out.”

Jisoo gives Jun a soft laugh. “You still talk so formally with us, Jun.”

Jun smiles back. “Yes. I do.”

-

-

“Rise and shine, you little butt fuckers!” Jisoo busts down Wonwoo’s and Seokmin’s dorm room door (Wonwoo always forgets to lock it and Seokmin doesn’t care enough to, well,  _ care _ ) with a swift kick and isn’t surprised to see Seokmin sprawled out on the couch. Whenever he’s upset or stressed out about something, he has the tendency to fall asleep on any surface he touches that  _ isn’t _ his bed. 

  
  


Wonwoo immediately flies out of his room, with murderous eyes and wild hair sticking up in every direction. Jisoo watches it like a movie - the way that a  _ literal _ cloud of darkness looms over Wonwoo’s body, and the way his facial expression makes him look like his eyes are all white. 

  
  


“What. The fuck. Is  _ wrong with you! _ ” Wonwoo takes his slipper off and aims it for Jisoo’s head. It sails into the air and Jisoo laughs as he catches it. He puts it down on the floor and holds his hands up in defense. 

“Hey, listen! Listen, I’ve got a plan!”

  
  


“So did I! And that  _ plan _ was to sleep until  _ ten _ , mother- _ fucker _ !” Wonwoo roars. Seokmin finally blinks himself back to consciousness at all the noise. “Jisoo, if you have a death with, go jump out of a fucking airplant without a parachute. Fuck off!”

Wonwoo turns around to storm back into his room but then Jisoo calls out. 

“Hey, I’m serious about this. I’ve got a plan to cut myself off from Jeonghan!”

Wonwoo spins around on his heel. Even Seokmin stops his yawning. 

Wonwoo speaks first. “What? For real?”

Seokmin nods. “Yeah. What he said.”

  
  


Jisoo rolls his eyes. “Y-yeah. I really will. I’m gonna do it slowly, but I’m gonna make it obvious that I just don’t like him in that way anymore. I’m hoping that the distance will just come naturally. I’ll stop with the number of visits until one day, they’re just a thing of the past. Or maybe I’ll actually find someone who likes me back. We never made this exclusive, but I think it’s time that I actually start looking for someone else. I can’t rely on a sex friend to be there for me like a boyfriend.”

“Yeah, but this is kind of different. You’ve known Jeonghan since forever. You’re just gonna cut him off like that?” Wonwoo scratches at his head and lets a huge yawn rip. “You’re best friends.”

“I know. I’ve already thought about it. I’m just gonna ease out of it slowly. I don’t want to lose him as a friend, I just want to end the  _ benefits _ part. I’m sick of having to fake being okay with it. And I’m sure you guys are starting to get tired of it, too. This is just the best way I could think of.”

Wonwoo still gives him a look. “I don’t really think that’s the best way, Jisoo. It’s better to talk.”

“Think about it this way. What if it were you and Mingyu? If Mingyu just wanted to be fuck buddies, would you really have the balls to confront him and ask that he either chooses you as a boyfriend or as a friend, when in both cases, the best ending is that you drift apart because of the akwardness?”

Wonwoo stays quiet for a couple of seconds. “No. I guess not.” 

Wonwoo and Mingyu, Jihoon and Seungcheol. The only people within the two years that everyone’s been friends who have successfully started relationships. Wonwoo and Mingyu for six months, Seungcheol and Jihoon for eighteen. 

Jisoo can’t help but be jealous. 

Seokmin starts walking to the bathroom. 

“We’re here for you, Jisoo.”

Jisoo’s stomach feels all knotty, for some reason. 

“Thank you.”

-

-

Jeonghan’s POV

-

-

“You’re especially glowy today. Something good happen?” Mingyu steps around Jeonghan’s body, which is currently on the floor rolling around with glee. “I bet Jisoo has something to do with this.”

  
  


Jeonghan stops his squealing for long enough to answer Mingyu. “I really think Jisoo loves me.”

“I mean, yeah, he said that. And then you said it back. This all falls under the premise of you guys  _ dating _ , right?” Mingyu’s face is all distorted with disgust. “You’re a child, Jeonghan.”

“Oh, what,  _ your _ relationship is so  _ adult-ish _ ?”

“Yes, Jeonghan, it  _ is _ . Because Wonwoo and I are both adults and we don’t need to act childishly to  _ know _ that we love each other.”

Jeonghan scoffs. “The only thing  _ adult _ about your relationship is Wonwoo. You’re even worse than I am.”

Mingyu glares. “Get to the point, or else I’m not listening.”

  
  


Jeonghan sighs and grabs the pillow beside him. Jisoo had cuddled it before he left for class, so now it smells like fruit and clean laundry. “We were just watching TV together when all of a sudden he kept asking me if we were best friends. God. He’s so  _ cute _ , sometimes I wanna turn him into a cat and then just keep him as a pet  _ forever _ .”

“Um, yuck.” Mingyu fakes a shudder and gags. “Ew. I don’t care. Bleh. I’m out.”

  
  


Jeonghan just giggles (kind of maniacally) as Mingyu slowly backs out of the room and closes the door behind him in a hurry. 

Jeonghan closes his eyes and smiles while he imagines their conversation all over again. 

-

-

Jeonghan’s POV (his flashback)

-

-

_ “Jeonghan?” _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ Jisoo turns into Jeonghan’s side a bit more, and Jeonghan finally takes his eyes off of the TV to look down. Jisoo’s curving into his chest like a small child, keeping his hands close to Jenoghan’s heart.  _

_ “We’re friends, right?” _

_ Jeonghan laughs when Jisoo looks up through his lashes and presses a kiss on Jisoo’s forehead, as soft as possible. His skin is soft and his hair smells like strawberries. Jisoo closes his eyes and Jeonghan wants to take the time to count every individual lash on Jisoo’s face.  _

_ “More than.” _

_ “Best friends, right?” _

_ Jeonghan adjusts their bodies on the couch so Jisoo’s straddling him properly. Jisoo starts to blush, keeping his head down and refusing to make eye contact.  _

_ “Of course.” _

_ “No matter what, right?” _

_ Jeonghan loves when Jisoo gets kind of insecure.  _

_ It’s fun to coax him back out of his shell.  _

_ “No matter what.” _

_ “Forever?” _

_ Jeonghan pulls Jisoo’s face in close with a gentle hand so he can place a kiss on Jisoo’s lips. They’re ever softer. He can taste the leftover vanilla ice cream from earlier on his tongue and tightens his grip on Jisoo’s hip with his free hand.  _

_ Jisoo breaks the kiss with a pant. His eyes are waiting for an answer from Jeonghan.  _

_ So he indulges Jisoo.  _

_ “Forever.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for this shitty ass chapter im v exhausted but it's fun to write but - 
> 
> yeah. this isn't the best but we're progressing! we love a soft jeonghan. i got sick of writing him as the "bitch at first" kind of guy, so here we are. anyways. lets see how long this misunderstanding goes on for!! fun stuff fun stuff. i asked sam to try and edit this for me bc he likes editing (weirdo) but he took one look at it and told me if i post this i'm dead to him. here i am, posting this, dead to him. oops. 
> 
> i promise ill deliver w the next chapter TT !! 
> 
> (blood will have blood will updates soon as well! love you guys. stay healthy. and indoors. please.)


	3. a misunderstanding

Jisoo’s not sure what it is about this class, but it makes him want to kill himself. 

Slowly, with a single match. He’d just like to be tied to one of those Hawaiian pig roast things and burn over the course of several hours over a weak flame. 

Or something like that. 

Jisoo yawns and silently pinches himself in between his thumb and index finger, his face remaining unflinchingly rigid. Nothing hurts anymore, not when Dr. Park has taken the definition of pain and turned it into something entirely new. 

“Hey, Jisoo!” 

Jisoo looks up from his quiet self-loathing and blinks in surprise to see Youngho. He’s dressed kind of weirdly, like he woke up late and had no time to change into a comprehensible outfit. Black sweats with a neon green volleyball team shirt and orange socks paired with a ridiculously worn out pair of Birkenstocks. Plus, the black and red flannel tied to his waist does nothing to help the outfit, if it can even be called that.

It’s something else. 

Jisoo smiles. “Hey, Youngho. So. You transferred here, huh?”

“Yup, my schedule finally fell through. Although you weren’t kidding. There really aren’t that many people here.”

Jisoo looks around the classroom with a cursory glance, despite having memorized the layout of this tiny little hellhole. It’s one of the smallest lecture halls on campus, since there’s less than a hundred students who are qualified to take the class. And since it’s split into three classes, there’s hardly twenty-five students everyday due to the fact that the seniors skip a lot. 

“Yeah. Dr. Park has a way of making you want to skin yourself alive with the sharpened edge of a pencil.”

“Huh - that’s, specific.” Youngho laughs and pulls out a bottle of coke from his backpack. Jisoo tries to not look at it with a horrified expression. It’s  _ seven _ in the morning. He seems to catch Jisoo’s surprised look and says, “Oh, this is just breakfast.”

Jisoo taps Youngho’s notebook with his pencil and pulls out a small plastic lunch box with two halves of a simple sandwich in it. “Why don’t you eat this, Youngho? You’ll die if you drink all of that right now. In fact, I think for the sake of humanity, I’m going to have to throw it out.”

Youngho yells out in protest when Jisoo shoves his sandwich over to Youngho and grabs the coke bottle before walking up to the front of the classroom to toss it into the trash can. Jisoo winces just because actually throwing it out was a bit dramatic, but Youngho doesn’t really seem to mind.

Youngho stutters, “Uh, are you sure? This is your breakfast, though! I’ll feel so bad!”

Jisoo laughs. “Seokmin gave it to me this morning after I ate breakfast. I can’t eat anymore but I didn’t have the heart to say I didn’t want it.”

“B-but s-”

“Dude, seriously. If you don’t eat it I’ll just end up throwing it out after class.”

“At least take half, please!”

Jisoo lets out a joking sigh and accepts half the sandwich. 

It doesn’t taste too bad. 

-

-

  
  


Jisoo stumbles back into his room later that day, finally done with his classes. Seungkwan and Mingyu are lounging on Seokmin’s bed, although he’s not anywhere to be seen. 

“Hey, guys,” Jisoo says, setting his backpack down on the floor besides his desk. “Where’s Seokmin?”

“He went out to get food,” Mingyu replies, propping himself up by the elbows and kicking his legs up into the air. Seungkwan’s head rests on Mingyu’s back, and Jisoo can’t tell if he’s sleeping or not. “I saw Jeonghan today. We had quite the conversation.”

Jisoo’s stomach does an inadvertent flip at the mention of Jeonghan’s name. 

“Uh, cool?”

“Yeah. It really was.”

“Mingyu, you’re being weird.”

“Am  _ not _ . God. You two are honestly so cute together.”

Seungkwan snorts. Okay. So he wasn’t sleeping. “Yeah, Jisoo wishes.”

Mingyu tilts his head. “Why would he have to wish that?”

“Dude, you’re just rubbing salt into his wound. Shut up about it.” Seungkwan opens his eyes and sits up, rubbing the back of his head and letting out a yawn. “Hey, Jisoo. How were your classes today?”

Jisoo shrugs, brushing off Mingyu’s question. “Cool. Youngho transferred, though, so I’m not alone in english anymore.”

Mingyu’s nose wrinkles up. “Who’s Youngho again?”

Jisoo laughs. “He’s the new guy, remember? The one Seokmin and I met while we were studying. A friend. Hopefully.”

Seungkwan grins brightly, with the ends of his smile stretching up so far that his cheeks crease with dimples. “Yeah, friends who want to get into each other’s pants.”

“Seungkwan, don’t be gross. Jeonghan would kill you if he heard,” Mingyu turns himself over so he’s facing the ceiling. 

“Why?” Seungkwan bites back. 

“Because that would be cheating?”

“No, it wouldn’t.”

“Jeez, I feel bad for Hansol if that’s how you feel.”

“What the fuck does Hansol have to do with this?”

Jisoo decides that he needs to stop them before they start to wrestle each other on the bed. And while Mingyu has every physical advantage, Seungkwan likes to bite. 

A lot. 

“Guys, stop it. Don’t be stupid, I don’t like Youngho.”

Mingyu lets out a little hum. “Yeah, because you have  _ Jeonghan _ .”

Jisoo wonders if Mingyu knows about the whole friends-with-benefits thing. 

He doesn’t remember telling Mingyu about it. Maybe Wonwoo said something? Or Seokmin? Seungkwan? He knows that he’s only told those three about it, but maybe Jeonghan said something to Mingyu? 

Jeonghan’s not really the type to do that, though. 

Jisoo settles to respond with a tentative “sure”, since he doesn't really know how to jump over Mingyu’s words. 

It’s not  _ that _ much of a lie.

Jisoo sighs. “Yeah. Sure.”

Seungkwan’s face turns sour like he’s about to make another snarky comment about how Jeonghan needs to grow a pair like he did the last time Jisoo got sad over him, but there’s a knock on the door that stops him. 

Mingyu closes his eyes. “I’m not getting that.”

-

-

“I don’t want to hear an explanation, but on the other hand, you won’t be coming in without one.”

Jisoo blocks the entrance to the door, with Seungkwan and Mingyu draped over each of his shoulders. The three of them stare down Minghao, Soonyoung, Chan, and Hansol.

Minghao strokes his beard. “I’d rather not.”

“You have facial hair, Minghao. And a lot of it.”

Minghao tugs at his beard again, running his fingers through what must be at least a foot of thick, gray hair that tangles up so bad that Minghao has to let go halfway because his hand gets stuck. “It’s semi-permanent.”

Seungkwan snickers.”Does the same go for Hansol’s makeup?”

Hansol glares, pushing his glasses up to the top of his head so he can look Seungkwan in the eye. It’s hard to take him seriously when his face is hot pink. Like,  _ really hot pink _ . Victoria Secret hot pink. Bath and Body Works hot pink. It’s just very. Hot. Pink. Down to the eyelids and everything. “It  _ does _ , thank you very much. I called the vendor. It’ll be gone in three to five days.”

Jisoo holds back a laugh. “Certainly.”

Soonyoung taps his foot impatiently on the floor. “Look, I get that you want to interrogate us, but can you let us in? The tree is getting heavy.”

Jisoo finally steps back with a sigh and allows his friends to enter the dorm. Soonyoung mumbles something under his breath and shoves a small tree into the room, potted and everything. 

“I want a very detailed, step by step explanation of how Hansol has a pink face, Soonyoung gave birth to a little tree, Chan has no eyebrows, and Minghao grew a meter-long beard within the three hours since I last saw him.” Jisoo backs up when Soonyoung shoves the pot particularly hard, getting the leaves past the doorway. Chan swats the air when a branch nearly snaps into his face. 

Chan coughs. “Well, I had a drama project coming up for theatre class and I asked them to work with me,” Chan takes a pause to ever so helpfully motion around the guys. “And it didn’t really go as planned. The glue that we used for the beard ended up being really old and it’s not coming off his skin, and we used the same glue to hold my eyebrows down but it literally just melted the hair off and I’m  _ pretty _ sure there’s an allergic rash forming, and the tree was supposed to be a prop but Soonyoung hyung thought he needed to get a  _ real _ tree, and Hansol hyung was fooling around with the makeup and, well, I didn't  _ know _ it was dye and not paint, but don’t worry, because technically it’s hypoallergenic so he should be fine, we’ll find out, I guess, and I just - I don’t know!”

Mingyu frowns and pulls Chan into a hug. “Don’t worry, Chan. This was a lapse in judgement, is all. We can all help you.”

Chan cries into Mingyu’s shoulder. “I don’t have  _ eyebrows _ , hyung!”

Minghao pats Chan’s back. “If it helps, it’s not that you have  _ no  _ eyebrows, it’s that patches are missing, and you know what? That doesn’t sound better so I’m just -”

“Hao, shut  _ up _ , for fuck’s sake.” 

Minghao shoots daggers at Hansol but he listens. 

Jisoo claps his hands once just to get everyone’s attention. “Well, we can start by getting rid of the tree, right?”

Soonyoung steps in front of it and blocks anyone from being able to touch it by stretching his hands out. “Lay a finger on my baby and lose your  _ life _ , Jisoo.”

Seungkwan rolls his eyes. “Didn’t realize you cared so much about nature.”

Minghao shakes his head. “He doesn’t. He spent three hundred dollars on it so he can’t get rid of it anymore or else he’d be losing three hundred dollars because he bought a tree sapling worth three hundred dollars -”

Soonyoung jumps onto Minghao’s back and everyone takes that as a cue to leave. 

Mingyu looks around, still consoling a weeping Chan glued onto his side. “Close the door, Seungkwan. They’ll fight it out sooner or later.”

While the five of them are crowded outside the door in the hallway, Jeonghan, Wonwoo, Jun, Seungcheol, Jihoon, and Seokmin have already started approaching them from down the hall. Wonwoo sticks out an arm, though, preventing anyone from moving up further. 

“You guys look like rats,” Jihoon notes tastefully. “Well, more so than usual.”

Seungkwan bites back. “Well, if your boyfriend wasn’t such a fucking tree trunk, I’d jump you for that.”

Jisoo sighs and grabs Seungkwan’s hoodie, yanking him back before he can rampage down the hall to make his statement come true. “Seungkwan, we don’t need another Minghao-Soonyoung thing on our hands.”

Jun leans against Wonwoo’s shoulder, to which Mingyu silently frowns at, and smiles. “Hansol, I’m loving the new color.”

“Shut up and buy me a pizza.” Hansol charges the hallway and veers left for the staircase. “All of you better be following me or else!”

Jeonghan pulls Jisoo’s arm so the two of them can walk down side by side. “Hey, babycheeks.”

“ _ No _ . We’re not starting the nickname thing again. That died when you pulled out the  _ sugar butt _ thing.”

Jeonghan laughs a bit too closely into Jisoo’s ears and threads their fingers together. Jisoo looks up, as if someone’s going to be staring at him and telling him that it’s wrong. It feels strange. “Well, it wasn’t a lie.”

Jisoo fakes a gag. “That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard. Let go, pervert.”

Jeonghan just laughs again and pulls him along, bumping his shoulder past a still-crying Chan and a desperate looking Mingyu. 

-

-

It’s a lazy day for Jisoo (which means no classes but instead, a fair amount of homework he  _ should _ be tackling), and that translates into lounging around Jeonghan’s dorm since Mingyu is out with Wonwoo on a date. Jeonghan had asked him earlier if he wanted to go get lunch, but Jisoo’s kind of tired of feeling like he’s getting strung along. He  _ should _ be working on his plan anyways, of doing less boyfriend-y things together.

He’s in the middle of imagining what a confession from Jeonghan would look like when Jeonghan accidentally trips over Jisoo’s outstretched foot. 

Jisoo moves his legs back onto the couch and holds out a hand. “You good?”

Jeonghan smiles and drops himself onto the couch, shifting around until Jisoo’s lap is taken up by his head. “Perfect.”

“Your skull weighs a million pounds, Jeonghan.”

“It’s the smarts.”

“You wish.”

Jeonghan pouts and wordlessly goes back to reading the magazine in his hand. It’s silent for a while until Jeonghan holds up a page in front of Jisoo’s face. 

Jisoo blinks. “That’s certainly a half-naked lady. I can see why you’d like it.”

Jeonghan rolls his eyes so impossibly hard that Jisoo can see them move under his eyelids. “No, I mean, look at what she’s wearing, Jisoo.”

“I’m gay.”

“Oh, my  _ god _ , what is wrong with you? I mean, imagine  _ you _ wearing  _ that _ .”

Jisoo immediately shoves Jeonghan’s head off of them and then scrambles off the couch. His ankle catches on something and he ends up sprawled out on the floor. “Jeonghan, you want me to wear women’s underwear?”

“It’s  _ lingerie _ .”

“I  _ know that _ . I’m just confused, I guess. Why would you want me to wear that?”

“Don’t take it the wrong way, Jisoo, I just mean, isn’t it pretty? You’d look nice in it.”

“I don’t think that particular style of  _ thong _ would be very supportive of a male dick. Or just, of anything in general.”

Jeonghan tosses the magazine aside and stretches himself to his fullest height on the couch. His legs are propped up on the armrest at the end of the sofa and Jisoo wants to snuggle into Jeonghan’s chest right now more than anything. 

“Whatever. I still fully support the idea of you wearing something like that to bed.”

“I will if you will.”

Jeonghan snorts. “Deal.”

“No! Jeonghan, I’m not wearing something like that. If you want to see that, just, find someone else or something.”

Jeonghan’s expression drops. 

“What?”

-

-

Jeonghan’s POV

-

-

Jeonghan lies still with his mouth agape, unsure if Jisoo had just said a joke or not. 

It didn’t really seem like he was kidding. 

“What do you mean, find someone else?”

Jisoo shrugs. “I mean, just, girls wear stuff like that. So if that’s your thing, then. You know. It’s not really a big deal.”

“What the fuck are you saying, Jisoo, I wasn’t being serious about it. Why would you even say something like that?” Jeonghan watches with confusion as Jisoo furrows his brows like  _ he’s _ the crazy one. “I don’t want a girl.”

Jisoo nods. “Yeah, okay, sorry. Whatever.”

“No, it’s not  _ whatever _ , why would you think I could go sleep with someone else?”

“I’m not! Or, well, you know. I’m kinda boring. So. It’s just, ugh, you know what? I don’t really feel like talking about this. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Yes, it is! You just told me to find someone else! And now you’re saying shit about yourself that  _ isn’t _ true? Are you okay? Did I do something that would make you doubt me?”

Jisoo’s face loses the nonchalance and Jeonghan doesn’t understand why he feels like he’s being the bad guy because even though Jisoo just  _ accused _ him (a strong word, but that’s besides the point) of wanting to sleep with other people, Jisoo looks more upset. 

“No, you didn’t! I said let it go, Jeonghan, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Clearly, you do!”

“No, I don’t!”

“Damn it, Jisoo, you can’t just keep things to yourself all the time like this! I’m here to talk to, I’m here to listen to you. No one knows you better than me, what’s wrong?”

Jisoo snaps up and grabs a pillow off the floor, one that fell off when Jisoo himself had crashed down onto the floor. “Like  _ hell _ you do, Jeonghan! You think you know me? You think you  _ know _ me? Fuck, that’s funny. I’m out of here.”

Jisoo stomps past Jeonghan and Jeonghan leaps up to follow him. 

“Jisoo, what the hell is happening, we were just joking a minute ago,” Jeonghan reaches out to grab Jisoo’s wrist to try and prevent him from leaving, but Jisoo’s already got the door open. “Jisoo, c’mon!”

“Let  _ go _ !” Jisoo snaps, glaring at Jeonghan while he rips his arm out of Jeonghan’s grip. “You don’t know anything!”

Jisoo disappears into the hallway and Jeonghan doesn’t realize until the door swings awkwardly back and forth, waiting to be shut. 

Jeonghan slams it a bit harder than he has to and stalks back onto the couch, dropping himself with shock running through his veins like a drug. 

_ What the fuck just happened? _

-

-

Jisoo’s POV

-

-

Seokmin comes rushing into the dorm room with his phone swinging around on his wrist (he  _ insists _ on buying cases with straps on them like a fifty-year old dad) and a white convenience store bag in the other hand. 

“I got your emergency text,” Seokmin drops all the stuff by the foot of Jisoo’s bed, and Jisoo rolls over to make room for his friend. Seokmin climbs in dutifully and pulls Jisoo in for a lying-down hug. “Was it Jeonghan?”

Jisoo’s heart clenches. “Yeah.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m all ears.”

“I don’t know what happened, Seokmin,” Jisoo closes his eyes and focuses on breathing in the comforting scent of Seokmin’s ocean breeze cologne and tries to not cry. “We were just joking around, and he said something about wanting me to wear lingerie or something, I don’t know, and I told him to find a girl if he wanted stuff like that because I don’t want to, but then he got all angry at me for bringing up another person and said I was accusing him of being unfaithful, which makes no sense but still, he got so mad, Seokmin, and I feel like I did something wrong but I don’t really know what except now he’s pissed at me and I don’t want to talk to him about it because it just reminds me that I love him because I love him and he loves me but only because I’m his friend and everything  _ sucks _ , and I don’t know what to do.”

Seokmin’s quiet for a little bit and Jisoo can practically hear the gears in his head ticking for a proper response. 

“You can’t keep doing this, Jisoo. It’s not fair to the both of you. The friends with benefits thing never works, you know that.”

“I know,” Jisoo breathes out. “But I don’t want him to go to someone else, Seokmin. Why am I not good enough for him?”

Seokmin squeezes Jisoo impossibly harder and tucks Jisoo’s head under his chin. “You  _ are _ . I’m so sorry that he can’t see what he has, Jisoo. God. I wish I could turn into him and then I’d date the hell out of you and then you wouldn’t be sad anymore.”

Jisoo sniffles, not bothering to hide his tears anymore. “I love him.”

“I know.”

“I love him.”

“Want me to make you feel better?”

“Yes, please.”

“Hansol’s face is still pink.”

Jisoo laughs wetly into Seokmin’s chest. 

It’s not where he wants to be, but it’ll do for now. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dramatically blowing things out of proportion? yes please. also incoming long chapter note coming up lets bring these bad boys back because i SAID SO ! hehe
> 
> side note #1: broke my nail typing. idk how but one of my nails caught under the key and just snapped off. fun stuff but it didn't hurt so its gucci 
> 
> side note #2: did you know my bf has been calling me by my nickname bc he thought it was my real name? i mean ig it could sound like a real name but like it's been two years w this gentleman. and he didn't know my real name. but it was so funny so it's all good. never seen him look so embarrassed before. 
> 
> side note #3: he also knows i write fics more as a creative outlet than anything else and offered to read stuff over for me. was horrified by the thought and VERY POLITELY told him to never ask again but i did buy him a smoothie instead and he's forgotten all about his terrifying proposition. lovely fellow. 
> 
> side note #4: boyyyyyyy i cant wait to start writing angst all the angst and more angst itll be very nice. v v v nice. 
> 
> side note #5: YOU GUYS IT HAPPEPENE AGAIN FIRST IT WAS THE FACT THAT AO3 STANDS FOR ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN AND NOW AGAIN BC YOU KNOW THOSE FOUR BOXES YOU SEE AT THE MOST UPPERLEFT CORNER IN FRONT OF THE LINK TO EVERY FIC B4 YOU ACTUALLY CLICK ON THEM?? DID YOU KNOW THEY FOLLOW A KEY? LIKE, IT'S NOT JUST RANDOM SHAPES AND COLORS THEY ALL REPRESNT SOMETHINGOWEIJFLJWEF. I'M SURE YOU GUYS KNEW BUT OH MY GOD MY MIND WAS BLOWN I JUST STARED AT THE SCREEN LIKE IS THIS REAL HOW LONG BUT WHYY DIDN'T I KNOWWWWW 
> 
> side note #5: started watching some shows on netflix!! im starting w fairy tail but i don't know if i like it yet. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. also started watching greys anatomy tbh not the biggest fan but lets see. and my niece wants to watch legend of korra so guess what im gonna watch it bc you don't say no to seven year olds. 
> 
> side note #6: im updating this again tomrrow just if anyone wanted to know ! or cared !
> 
> side note #7: please take care of yourselves well right now is not the time to be defiant go outside but wear masks and make sure to wash your hands and keep yoruself updated with what's going on and if you ever need to rant just feel free to let loose here in the comments because i would love to listen if you need someone! i dont have a social media to link here so that's the most i can do but seriously its a safe space ! as much as it can be for the internet but yall are some of the nicest and sweetest people ive ever met ugh my heart!


	4. does it get better from here

The next couple of weeks go by in an awkward haze. Jisoo and Jeonghan have stopped skirting past each other with fleeting glances and uncomfortable greetings, but they still don’t talk. 

Jisoo doesn’t really know what to do with himself. 

Jeonghan’s supposed to be his best friend and now, because of one fight that went down so fast Jisoo still doesn’t really know what happened, it’s all gone. 

All gone. 

But. 

There are things more pressing than Jisoo’s crushing heartbreak and it comes in the form of upcoming midterm exams. 

Today’s bio lab is completely impossible for Jisoo to focus on - the procedure is much too long and Jisoo honestly doesn’t care for the class. He should really just stop being a dual major; it doesn’t really do anything for him. Jun’s a good partner, though, and he’s picking up all of the slack that Jisoo’s dropping. Jisoo buries his head into his arms and swings his legs under the table. 

“Sorry, Jun. I’m messing everything up right now. My brain’s been out of it.”

Jisoo peaks out of the corner of his eye and Jun smiles at him. Jisoo sits back up properly and smiles back, hoping that it doesn’t look forced. 

“Don’t worry about it, Jisoo. I know you’ve been stressed lately. Do you want to talk about it?”

Jisoo shakes his head. “I don’t feel like reliving it. But maybe you could help me take my mind off of things?”

“Sure, what can I do for you?” Jun holds his hands out. “Pass me those forceps, please?”

Jisoo hands them over. “I think I’d feel better if I could help you confess to Minghao once and for all.”

Jisoo likes Jun because he doesn’t play around with his emotions. He likes what he likes and doesn’t like what he doesn’t like, all while managing to keep a calm overlook on things. He’s soft and gentle, and Jisoo can’t imagine someone better suited to be with Minghao, who feels everything too greatly and likes to throw himself into whatever he’s working on with such an intensity that he forgets to let himself breathe. 

“I would like that, Jisoo.”

Jisoo perks up a bit. “Wait, really? Damn. I didn’t think that would work, Jun. I should’ve asked you sooner.”

Jun’s laugh is beyond melodic. “I just see no point in avoiding it longer, I guess. I’m confident that Minghao is ready to accept me and I know we can make this work. I like him, why would I not ask him out? I want us to be together.”

Jisoo can’t help but sigh a bit. 

If only everyone was as decisive as Jun, himself included. 

“Do you have anything in mind? I know Minghao’s the biggest romantic around.”

“I’ve been thinking of things for a while, but I feel like keeping it simple will be best, right? The beaker, please.”

Jisoo picks up the beaker besides him and slides it over to Jun. “My god, you need to bring him to a bakery and ask him out while he’s eating a slice of apple cider cake and then just grab his hand and ask him out and say everything you want to.”

Jun’s eyebrows shoot up. “You’ve been thinking about this more than I have.”

“God, no. It’s just that, Minghao told me his dream confession and he said that so I’m just trying to give you a leg up.”

Jun pours something blue into the beaker and swirls it around. “I’ll do it today, then.”

“Really? That quickly?”

“I’ve been waiting two years to do this, Jisoo. I like him. I don't want to wait any longer. What if someone snatches him up?”

Jisoo feels his throat get all dry and coarse, like he just took a sip of water but it went down wrong. 

“Yeah, that would be bad.”

-

-

English class is the only thing Jisoo looks forward to these days. Youngho’s the only person around him who doesn’t tiptoe around conversations in fear of tipping Jisoo off, and he’s pretty funny once one gets past his corniness. Today’s a thursday, which means no classes but he’s got a scheduled library study session with Youngho. 

“Jisoo, I know it’s probably not my place to say something like this, but I’ve been kind of worried for the last couple of weeks. You just look so tired all the time, and not in like a depressed, worn-out college student type of way.”

Jisoo puts his head down on the table and sighs as quietly as he can. “Damn. And here I was, thinking I hid it pretty well.”

“You’re an open book.”

“Look who’s talking.”

“True.” Youngho nudges Jisoo’s foot with his own under the table. “But seriously, are you okay? I’m always down to listen.”

Jisoo blinks a couple of times and closes his laptop. 

“How do you feel about guys?”

Youngho looks surprised. “What do you mean?”

“Oops, I guess that was pretty forward of me. Like, would you date one? Or something like that.”

“Oh! I thought you meant in like, general. I would, though. I’m bi. I have a boyfriend, actually. Jaehyun? He’s an arts major?”

“That’s cool,” Jisoo says, filing away the information for later. Seokmin’s going to have to find someone else. So much for that plan. “Sorry if that was random. It’s just that, my problem has to do with a guy.”

“Ugh. Please tell me he isn’t straight.”

“Unfortunately.”

“Are you?”

“As gay as the sky is blue.”

“Tell me everything.”

“Argh.  _ Ugh _ . Bleh.”

“With  _ real _ words?”

Jisoo pulls his hoodie over his head and squeezes his eyes shut. “I’ve been in a friends-with-benefits situation with my childhood friend for the past two years and when he brought up doing new things together I didn’t want to because I don’t know if he’s actually into guys or if I’m just, his exception or something so I said no and then said he’s welcome to do with other people and then he got really mad at me and I was going to distance myself from him anyways but it’s not going the way I want and basically I have too much school stuff to do for any free time and we just avoid each other when we  _ do _ see each other so everything sucks and I’m gonna die in a giant fiery ball of  _ death _ .”

Youngho gives him a small smile. 

“That. Sucks. Ass.”

“Yeah, it really does.”

A hand pats the top of Jisoo’s head. Youngho’s fingers are soft against the fabric of the hood and Jisoo lets out a quiet groan of frustration. 

“If it’s not too weird for you to tell me, what did he ask you to do that made you say no?”

Jisoo flushes. 

“Um. That’s. A great question.”

“Trust me, whatever you say, I’ve probably seen or done worse.”

Jisoo sits up so fast that Youngho’s hand goes flying. “Damn, I didn’t take you for a kinky freak.”

Youngho laughs but doesn’t elaborate. “Jisoo, you don’t have to tell me. I’m just here to listen. You’ve been helping me out so much lately, it’s just that I want to do that for you, too.”

“Hewantsmetowearlingerie.”

“Huh?”

“ _ Hewantsmetowearlingerie. _ ”

“Jisoo.”

“Ugh. Fine, I guess,” Jisoo slumps into his seat as far as he can without looking like a total weirdo. “He wants me to wear lingerie.”

Youngho doesn’t look too taken back. “Oh, yeah, I guess guys are into that.”

“Yeah, but  _ I’m _ a guy.”

“Do you have any particular reasons as to why you don’t want to? I mean I guess it could feel girly but it’s still coming off at the end of the day.”

“Is that coming from experience, or?”

Youngho smiles. “Not me, my boyfriend. He’s got a collection. It’s pretty.”

“What the hell, is  _ everyone  _ around me just  _ into _ girl’s underwear?”

“There’s nothing wrong with vanilla sex, Jisoo. Don’t think that. You don’t have to wear it if it’s making you uncomfortable, okay? He can’t make you do that.”

Jisoo glares a bit. 

His ego stings. 

He  _ isn’t _ vanilla, he’s probably the worst one out of his group when it comes to sex. More willing than even  _ Mingyu _ to try new things, and holds less shame than Minghao to go through with them. 

It’s a fun combination. 

“I’m not  _ vanilla _ , it’s just that,” Jisoo looks up at Youngho to make sure he’s still listening, which he is. Attentively. “I don’t want to wear girl clothes. I’ve done everything, Youngho. Whatever he wants. I’m okay with anything as long as it doesn’t scar, really, but lingerie? There’s just, it’s just that, girls wear it more than not and Jeonghan’s not gay so I’m scared that this is the first step towards him realizing that he  _ does _ want to hold a girl more than me. I’m his first guy. It’s not fair to him, I guess, but I’m scared. What if I just end up becoming a placeholder for a girl? He’s straight, Youngho. Jeonghan’s straight. I’m just an exception, somehow. I don’t want him to see me as a girl.”

“Okay  _ first of all _ , as long as it doesn’t scar? I’m kind of scared to think about that, since a lot of things  _ don’t scar _ . And you called  _ me _ the kinky freak? And second of all, I can see where you’re coming from. Getting with a guy who doesn’t go the same way as you can be kind of nerve-wracking, but at the end of the day, he still wants you, right?”

  
“We’re sex friends, Youngho. You make it sound like we’re together.”

Youngho pauses long enough to reach over the table and grabs Jisoo’s hand, giving it a soft squeeze. Jisoo gives him a small grin in thanks. It’s not much, but the gesture is still comforting. “You should stop that, then. It’s the only way for you to stop feeling bad. Find a guy that reciprocates your feelings.”

“Is your boyfriend nice?”

“The nicest.”

“Ugh. Lucky.”

“It  _ is _ , which is why you should get one, too. Stop hurting yourself over a dude who doesn’t realize what he has. Or at least talk to him to see what he feels and thinks.”

“I know,” Jisoo nods. “I  _ know _ , it’s just scary. It’s stupid. All this over underwear.”

“It’s  _ not _ stupid. It’s a legitimate concern. Go talk to him, Jisoo. Seriously. You need to get this off your chest.”

Jisoo closes his eyes. 

“Yeah. I will.”

-

-

Jeonghan’s POV

-

-

Jeonghan can’t help but storm into his dorm room, praying to god that no one is in there except for Mingyu. He wants to  _ scream _ right now, louder than humanly possible. 

Jisoo was with someone that Jeonghan didn’t recognize. 

Jeonghan sees that Mingyu’s on the couch and slams the door behind him, so hard that the little table besides the entrance shakes. 

“Jeez, what happened?” Mingyu says, stretching his legs out. “You look like you’re about to kill someone.”

“Is it just the two of us in here right now?”

“Yeah, why?” Mingyu puts his phone down and stands up. “Hey, are you okay right now?”

Jeonghan squeezes his hands into fists just so he can feel his nails pressing into his palms. “No, I am not okay right now! I knew Jisoo was going to be at the library, but we’ve been awkward for a couple weeks now and we’ve never had a rough patch this bad so I was going to talk to him, except he’s with someone else and he was patting his head!”

“Jisoo was patting-”

“No, the guy was patting Jisoo’s head!”

“Don’t jump to conclusions, Jeonghan, he could have just been comforting Jisoo or something. It’s just a head pat.”

“They held hands, too, Mingyu! They just held hands and smiled at each other and kept talking! I know I’m blowing this way out of proportion, but why’s he doing that with someone else? There are  _ boundaries _ , and there are  _ limits _ , you know! Like, a line, or something that you don’t cross. Right? I feel like this falls into that category, right? Out-of-bounds, or something?”

  
  


Mingyu drags Jeonghan to the couch and makes him sit. “Jeonghan, that’s not like Jisoo. You know he wouldn’t go after someone if he was still with you.”

“ _ If _ he was still with me?”

“What, no, I didn’t mean it like that, I’m just saying, he’s still with you, so he wouldn't do that.”

“What if Jisoo likes him? Did I wait too long to talk to him? What if he’s been ghosting me and I didn’t realize until now?”

Mingyu grabs Jeonghan by the shoulders and shakes him. “No,  _ no _ , Jeonghan. You trust Jisoo more than that, don’t you? You know better. You  _ know _ he wouldn’t, he  _ couldn’t _ do something like that.”

Jeonghan feels his heart clench in his ribcage; it’s like he can tell where his muscles are cramping and his eyes are hot all of a sudden. 

“Yeah. I know.”

“ _ Good _ .”

“I don’t want to lose him, Mingyu, I love him. He knows that, right? Knows that he’s the only one for me. It took me eighteen years to get him. He knows that I love him, right?”

Mingyu pulls Jeonghan into an awkward side hug, but the size difference makes it feel like Jeonghan’s getting wrapped up into an embrace with a skinny bear. 

“He knows that, Jeonghan. You guys were meant for each other. And I’m not just saying that. To be honest, you guys helped a lot of us out, you know? If it weren’t for you and Jisoo being so confident with each other, I would never have realized that I could have that with Wonwoo. And don’t tell this to anyone, but Jihoon once told me that he couldn’t bring himself to admit his feelings to Seungcheol until he saw Jisoo look at you, and he told me that he realized that it was the same way he looked at Seungcheol. You guys are just, I don’t know. Perfect. You’ll work this out. You will. Rough patches are okay, got it? Normal. Every couple goes through them. You just need to work it out, okay?”

Jeonghan closes his eyes and rests his chin on Mingyu’s shoulder. 

“Okay.”

-

-

Jisoo’s POV

-

-

Jisoo’s phone screen is on the messages app, open to Jeonghan’s name. He’s been trying to think of something to send him for the last twenty minutes, but his brain blanks out every time he wants to say something. 

Jisoo’s about to give up when his phone blips with a new message. 

His heart thumps. 

Jeonghan?

He looks down. 

Fuck. 

It’s just the group chat. Jisoo clicks on the message banner and lets it bring him to the group chat. 

  
  


_ Minghao: Party at Jackson’s apartment. Next Saturday. You guys better come.  _

_ Chan: Me too?  _

_ Minghao: Duh. _

_ Chan: But I don’t know him.  _

_ Minghao: Well, he knows you, then. Said to make sure the small kid who’s always around should come.  _

_ Chan: I’m a little bit offended.  _

_ Seokmin: Don’t be, Jackson’s nice but stupid. It means he’s probably seen you around and thinks you’re fun. Also I’m down, too.  _

_ Chan: Okay. I’ll go.  _

_ Mingyu: Ugh. Alcohol. I’m down.  _

_ Wonwoo: Same. But I’m not going to be in charge of drunk Soonyoung again.  _

_ Soonyoung: I’m never drinking again.  _

_ Wonwoo: That’s what you said last time, before you tried to make out with my jacket.  _

_ Soonyoung: Fuck off. I’ll see to it that I get even drunker than last time. _

_ Seokmin: Just checked my calendar. I have an exam two days later so I can’t make it.  _

_ Jun: Aw, Seokmin. Do you want me to stay with you? _

_ Seokmin: I’m pretty sure Minghao would rather eat me alive than have you miss this party.  _

_ Minghao: Yup.  _

_ Jun: Okay I’ll go. Sorry, Seokmin.  _

_ Seokmin: It’s all good.  _

_ Jisoo: I’ll stay with you, then.  _

_ Seokmin: No way. You need a night out more than anyone.  _

_ Jeonghan: I’ll go.  _

_ Seungcheol: Yay now I have to go.  _

_ Jeonghan: Shut up you wall.  _

_ Seungcheol: No can do. I'll see you there.  _

_ Jihoon: I don’t wanna go.  _

_ Minghao: Why NOT?  _

_ Jihoon: I don’t wanna see girls flirting with Seungcheol. It happens every time. I’ll stay with Soonyoung.  _

_ Seungcheol: No you have to come! Who am I supposed to make out with then! _

_ Jihoon: Not going. _

_ Seungcheol: They don’t flirt with me anyways, you get hit on by guys more.  _

_ Jihoon; I don’t? And yes, they do? _

_ Minghao: If you guys start fighting right now I’m going to lose my mind.  _

_ Jihoon: Sorry I’m not going I’ll keep Seokmin company. His pillows are fluffy, anyways.  _

_ Seungcheol: Why do you know how fluffy his pillows are? _

_ Seokmin: Seungcheol, stop it.  _

_ Seungcheol: It’s a simple question.  _

_ Jihoon: I take naps there when my back hurts.  _

_ Seungcheol: I’ll buy you better pillows so stop sleeping in some guy’s bed.  _

_ Seokmin: Seungcheol shut up you know I wouldn’t do anything I’ve never even been on the bed when he’s there because he kicks when he sleeps. _

_ Seungcheol: You know that he kicks? _

_ Seokmin: You have to be fucking kidding, Seungcheol, I’m in the living room and it sounds like the blankets are getting murdered with how loud he moves around. Don’t tell me you’re actually worried? _

_ Seungcheol: I’m not worried about you doing anything.  _

_ Jihoon: Are you fucking serious right now? _

_ Seungcheol: No that came out wrong I didn’t mean it like that.  _

_ Minghao: Alright everyone can smell the tension so go fight somewhere else.  _

_ *Seungcheol has left the chat* _

_ *Jihoon has left the chat* _

_ Mingyu: I’ll pray for Jihoon’s asshole tonight.  _

_ Minghao: RIP Jihoon’s butt.  _

_ Chan: I don’t get it.  _

_ Wonwoo: Seungcheol’s a jealous sex type of person.  _

_ Jisoo: RIP Jihoon’s butt.  _

_ Seungkwan: I just got here but -  _

_ Seungkwan: RIP Jihoon’s butt.  _

_ Hansol: RIP Jihoon’s butt.  _

_ Soonyoung: RIP Jihoon’s butt.  _

_ Seokmin: RIP Jihoon’s butt.  _

_ Jeonghan: RIP Jihoon’s butt.  _

_ Jun: RIP Jihoon’s butt.  _

_ Chan: I still don’t get it.  _

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can someone please help CHAN OMGowiejf;owijf
> 
> okay here's my update scheudle for the next week-ish !! heh
> 
> in two days: "at the end of the road" will be updated
> 
> in three days: "at the end of the road" will be updated 
> 
> in six days: "the stars will fall" will be updated
> 
> in eight days: "at the end of the road" will be updated again
> 
> in ten days: "the stars will fall" will be updated again 
> 
> thats the general plan for now ! 
> 
> thanks so much for reading im so thankful for all of your support ~~ big hearts for everyone mwah!


	5. pleasure's all mine

_ Hansol: I have a dilemma you guys.  _

_ Seungkwan: what happened _

_ Hansol: Oh good you’re here.  _

_ Seokmin: It’s always scary when Seungkwan’s the person who’s needed. Hansol, you good?  _

_ Hansol: Um. Yeah. Mostly.  _

_ Jisoo: God can you stop being so fucking cryptic spill it _

_ Jun: language :(  _

_ Jisoo: Fuck _

_ Jun: i shouldve seen that coming :( _

_ Wonwoo: stop distracting Hansol. What’s up.  _

_ Hansol: Okay so. This guy. Seonghwa. He’s going to Jackson’s party this weekend but he asked me to go with him as his date. I panicked and said I’m dating Seungkwan.  _

_ Seokmin: This is bad why?  _

_ Seungkwan: great do I have to act like your bf now  _

_ Mingyu: lmfao stop acting like you don’t love it kwannie  _

_ Seungkwan: i will literally bite your kneecap off  _

_ Mingyu: yummy  _

_ Wonwoo: guys.  _

_ Hansol: Uh yeah, Seungkwan, that’d be great if you could.  _

_ Jihoon: why’d u have to tell all of us tho  _

_ Hansol: Didn’t know if Seungkwan wanted to do it. I would’ve asked someone else in here then.  _

_ Jihoon: Ew. Who, tho??? Is it bad that I’m curious who ur 2nd choice would be?  _

_ Chan: hyung you have to stop using those abbreviations they’re not ironic it just looks weird.  _

_ Mingyu: boom how does it feel to get your ass handed to you by a child, hoonie? _

_ Chan: im not a child :(  _

_ Soonyoung: shut up i wanna hear what hansol’s answer is  _

_ Mingyu: Hansol who is it  _

_ Hansol: Idk, probably Jisoo or Seokmin.  _

_ Jeonghan: why Jisoo _

_ Minghao: look at him, rising from the dead bc of Jisoo.  _

_ Jun: dont antagonize him _

_ Minghao: i never antagonize anyone _

_ Seungcheol: …..  _

_ Jihoon: …..  _

_ Seokmin: …..  _

_ Chan: ….  _

_ Minghao: okay okay fine. anyways. Answer the question, sol.  _

_ Hansol: Those two are the only other ones available. Well, I guess Jun is too but Minghao would probably eat my toes for dinner if I even thought of asking.  _

_ Jeonghan: ?  _

_ Mingyu: ?  _

_ Seungcheol: ?  _

_ Soonyoung: ?  _

_ Jun: ? _

_ Seokmin: why’s everyone sending question marks _

_ *Jeonghan has left the chat* _

_ *Mingyu has left the chat* _

_ *Soonyoung has left the chat* _

_ *Seungcheol has left the chat* _

_ Minghao: jun u better not leave _

_ Jun: okay _

_ Hansol: Crap.  _

_ Hansol: Why do I feel like I messed up?  _

-

-

  
  


“See, this is perfect!” Seokmin laughs and throws himself down on the bed, sending Jisoo flying off into the corner when the mattress jumps from under him.    
  


“I feel like you don’t know the definition of that word, because this is most definitely not perfect. I don’t have a good feeling about this party.” 

Seokmin shakes his head. “You saw Jeonghan leave the chat like that. Maybe he’s finally starting to get protective over you! You should milk this out.”

Jisoo wrings his hands and brings himself to a sitting position, facing Seokmin. “I don’t know. The more time passes, I just want to talk to him. If we both apologize to each other, it’ll be back to normal.”

“What’s normal, Jisoo?” Seokmin sighs a bit and retracts his legs a bit so Jisoo can lay himself down into Seokmin’s side. “Hurting yourself? Always feeling dejected? C’mon. I know that you know how bad this is. That you need to move on at one point.”

“Can’t I just get there on my own? I don’t really feel like jumping into a new version of myself like, three days after getting into a fight with Jeonghan.”

“What happened to your plan? You were the one who said you’d slowly distance yourself.”

Jisoo turns around so he can bury his head into Seokmin’s chest. The sweater he’s wearing rubs softly against Jisoo’s nose and he has to shove back a quiet sneeze. “This is too fast.”

Seokmin offers him a gentle, slow chuckle and pats Jisoo’s back with a comforting rhythm. “I’ll let you take your time. But you are  _ going _ to that party and having fun.”

“I know you’re lying about exams, by the way. You just said that to avoid Soonyoung.”

“Maybe.”

“He’s not bothering you or anything, right? I’d probably lose in a fight with him but I could still get away with some damage.”

Seokmin laughs into Jisoo’s shoulder and it tickles his skin like a feather being brushed up against him. “Instead of planning out any fistfights on my behalf, I’d say take care of yourself first.”

Jisoo closes his eyes. 

There’s a sudden tiredness that fills up Jisoo’s body, starting from the bottom of his feet and sweeping its way up to Jisoo’s head. 

“Why are we so lame?”

“Because we’re growing up.”

“Adulthood sucks.”

“It most definitely does.”

-

-

It’s another couple of listless days until the dreaded night of the party comes up. Jisoo’s been trudging by all week on endless cups of coffee and packaged sandwiches and mindless note-taking, when all of a sudden, Minghao’s bursting through his door with a handful of clothes spilling out his arms. 

“God, Hao, what’s all this?”

Minghao throws the garments in his hands down all over Jisoo’s bed and starts rifling through them. “Getting you ready for the party, obviously! You dress like a divorced accountant on a good day.”

“It’s a college party, not some kind of -”

“Nope, no way. This is the first party you’ve agreed to go to in a while so you’re gonna wear something hot.”

“Why is all of this black?” Jisoo picks up a suspiciously sheer piece of fabric with his fingers like it could set itself on fire any second. “I thought your emo phase died out like, freshman year.”

“Oh, shut up, you grandpa. This isn’t even the bad stuff. Here, go put these on.”

Minghao shoves a couple of clothes into Jisoo’s arm and herds him to the bathroom so he can change. 

“Minghao, I’m just going to wear jeans and a -”

“I’m going to start crying if that sentence ends with the word  _ t-shirt _ . Get changed.”

“Oh my god, okay, okay, keep your balls on. Geez.” Jisoo shuts the bathroom door behind him and sighs. 

The pants in his hand already look way too tight. And the shirt is shredded up in areas that shouldn’t be shredded. 

Fuck. 

Jisoo just  _ had _ to go and make friends with a fashion major. 

_ Blargh _ . 

-

-

Jisoo thanks the lords up above the second he steps into Jackson’s apartment for remembering to bring a small packet of ibuprofen with him. The music is already clinging to Jisoo’s eardrums like glue, thudding around in his skull like a bouncy ball made of cement. Minghao shouts something to Jisoo but he can’t hear anything over the roar of sticky bodies screaming with glee. Jisoo quickly finds that Minghao’s disappeared into the crowd, leaving him to fend for himself at the edge of the small army of people dancing around on the living room floor. 

“Jisoo, Jisoo! Over here!”

Jisoo looks around for who’s calling his name. 

It’s Mingyu, stationed by the kitchen island with an obnoxiously blue drink in hand. Wonwoo’s standing next to him, an irked expression pasted on his face. He pulls the hoodie he’s wearing closer around himself, like he’s trying to cocoon himself against the rush of bodies everywhere. 

Jisoo doesn’t blame Wonwoo. 

It takes him a solid three minutes to make it to the kitchen, having to shove against the direction of dancers in his way. Wonwoo grimaces and offers him a water bottle, one that Jisoo takes gratefully. 

“It’s only been two minutes and I already want to die,” Wonwoo laments. Mingyu doesn’t respond but acknowledges that he’s heard his boyfriend’s complaints by patting him on the back. “Fuck. Everyone's so loud.”

Jisoo cracks open the water bottle and takes a small sip, wondering why he’s already so sapped. “You know, Minghao’s already dancing. You should join him, Mingyu.”

Mingyu shakes his head. “No, I’m protecting Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo rolls his eyes when Jisoo gives him a questioning look. “Don’t get him started.”

“Well, he just got me started,” Mingyu grumbles, tipping his drink back and swallowing everything in one obnoxious gulp. “Someone hit on him.”

“Clearly, they had no taste, as I’ve tried very hard to look like a hobo,” Wonwoo says, motioning to his outfit. It’s a grey hoodie with _trouser_ _pants_ , like the ones a student would wear. “It’s not even a big deal. Mingyu, go dance or something. I refuse to let you babysit me.”

“Are you saying I have no taste?”

“Uh, yeah. Now seriously, go dance. Or something. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“No, but someone could do it again,” Mingyu whines, setting his glass down and leaning over to nuzzle Wonwoo’s neck. It’s Jisoo’s turn to roll his eyes. “Don’t wanna leave you.”

Wonwoo jostles Mingyu off of him and pushes him into the direction of the dancing crowd. “As if someone won’t hit on you in there. Just have fun. Or something. Whatever. Have fun.”

“Do you even like me?” Mingyu hiccups. 

“Yes, very much, but I don’t like drunk Mingyu so go get rid of some of your energy. I’ve got to talk to Jisoo, anyways.”

Mingyu frowns but doesn’t resist the last push. Jisoo takes a step closer once Mingyu’s fully assimilated into the crowd. 

“You trust him a lot, huh?”

Wonwoo shrugs. “I mean, when you look like  _ that _ , it’s hard not to get hit on. It’s not a matter of trust. I just can’t do anything about it.”

Jisoo tilts his head. “Well, I mean, there’s got to be some degree of trust.”

Someone jostles Jisoo’s side, sending him flying into Wonwoo’s side. Wonwoo glares at whoever did that before pulling Jisoo closer to him so he can’t get knocked down again. “Well, sure. Every relationship is built on trust. It’s just that, you know. It’s up to him to stay with me. Half of being with someone is always a conscious decision.”

Jisoo looks down at the floor, getting dizzy when the stream of disco lights flash around his eyes. 

“I miss him.”

Wonwoo reaches behind him and pulls out a plastic cup half-filled with fruit punch. Or at least, it looks like fruit punch. It  _ smells _ like pure vodka. “Just drink and forget about that loser.”

“You just called Jeonghan  _ that loser _ .”

“Sure did. Now. Drink. Loosen up.”

“This is a bad idea.”

“It’s about time you made one.”

“I have a bad feeling about this night, Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo pours himself another drink from the punch bowl besides him and smiles lopsidedly. 

“I do, too.”

-

-

Jisoo’s already passed his  _ tipsy _ level and is headed for  _ drunken _ territory, but he can’t seem to stop joining in on the little games going on around him. 

Body shots, beer pong, a chugging contest -

It’s like drink after endless drink for him. 

Jisoo loses track of the amount of people he’s seen when he stumbles particularly roughly into someone’s back, hard enough to make his nose burn and his eyes sting with tears. Jisoo reaches up to his face in an attempt to grab what hurts, but can’t really figure out  _ what _ .

“Are you okay?”

Jisoo blinks. 

Whoever he just ran into, is pretty. 

Well, not pretty. 

Hot. 

Sexy?

_ Did I really just use the word “sexy” to describe someone? Fuck me. Well, no, don’t do that. Am I saying this stuff out loud, or is it in my head? Fuck.  _

“Hello? Are you okay?” The person repeats, eyes flooding with concern. Maybe. Jisoo can’t really tell. 

“Uh,  _ hmmm, _ ” Jisoo drawls, feeling a strange heat flood his cheeks. “I suppose.”

“You look like you should sit down somewhere. Here, I’ll find you a spot.”

Jisoo isn’t even given a second to protest when a gentle hand grabs his own and tugs him through the crowd. 

The amount of people thin out after what seems to be an eternity spent walking, and his back thuds against a cold wall. He feels the iciness through his abomination of a shirt, and takes the time to try and sober up at least a little bit. 

“Are you feeling a bit better now? You looked pretty flushed back there. Let me check your nose.”

Jisoo finally decides to look at who’s in front of him, but he doesn’t recognize the face. 

Piercings. 

Lots of them. 

Heavy eyes.

A wide smile. 

Inky hair. 

Jisoo’s losing focus on what his train of thought is when he feels fingertips touching his nose. 

“Uh?” Jisoo let’s out, unsure of what’s going on. 

“Your nose, remember?” The person smiles softly. “Don’t want it to be broken.”

Jisoo nods. 

Fuck. 

He’s too drunk to be holding conversation. 

“Name?” He slurs out, hoping that Piercings gets the point. 

He does. 

“Jaebum. Yours?”

“J-Jisoo?”

“Jisoo?”

“Uh, y-yeah, Jisoo.” 

Jaebum smiles. 

It’s brilliant. 

But it doesn’t feel like Jeonghan’s. 

“Do you want to get out of here, Jisoo?”

Jisoo closes his eyes. 

“S-sounds good.”

-

-

_ Jeonghan’s POV _

-

-

Jeonghan’s about to give up looking for Jisoo when he feels someone tap his shoulders in panic. He turns around, prepared to fight off a drunken party-goer, when he’s met with Mingyu’s red face. 

“God, Mingyu, how much did you  _ drink _ ? You can barely stand right, go find Wonwoo right now before you fall down and die on me.”

Mingyu shakes his head, although to be honest, it’s more of a violent swing of his neck. “Jisoo, h-he, no,  _ no _ , J-Jeonghan, he just left! You - you, um, you have to go. Go? You have to go. Now.”

“I’ll find him tomorrow morning, he’s probably worn out. Thanks for the heads up, though. Do you want me to help you find Wonwoo?”

Mingyu does that weird head shake again and grabs onto Jeonghan’s sleeve, albeit sloppily and with loose fingers. “With someone. Someone p-pulled Jisoo out of here. F-find him, might be in -  _ ugh, my head _ ,” Mingyu groans and clutches his head. “Someone took him.”

That sends a wave of panic crashing down Jeonghan’s body like a tsunami. 

Jisoo could be in danger.

He gets a bit ditzy when he’s drunk. 

Fuck. 

“Mingyu, I’m going to leave now, okay? Find Wonwoo and calm down.”

“Okay. Okay. Okay,” Mingyu sticks his tongue out, like he’s confused as to why he has a tongue. Jeonghan prays that Mingyu’ll be fine on his own. “Bye, Hannie!”

Jeonghan nods quickly and works his way through the writhing bodies, holding his breath until he reaches the door. 

“Jeonghan, leaving already?”

It’s Jaclson. 

“Yeah, my head’s been hurting for a while now. Too much to drink or something.”

Jackson lets out a whoop of laughter and pulls Jeonghan into a messy hug. “Sorry I missed you tonight, dude! Get ready for next time, I won’t let you off the hook that easy!”

Jeonghan smiles. “Got it.”

“Bye, dude! Feel better!”

Jackson disappears as quickly as he had shown up, and Jeonghan  _ finally _ makes it outside the apartment. 

The hallway’s fresh air hits his face like a wall and Jeonghan calms himself down. 

Maybe he should’ve grabbed someone else to help him. 

There’s two possible directions that Jisoo could’ve been forced to go, but if Jeonghan’s wrong, he might be too late to save Jisoo for whatever situation he’s gotten himself into. 

Left?

Right? 

Jeonghan paces up and down the hall a bit, hoping to see a trace of Jisoo anywhere, but there isn’t one. 

_ I should’ve just apologized to him, _ Jeonghan says to himself, hating the fact that he could’ve been with Jisoo all night today.  _ Why are you so fucking petty, Yoon Jeonghan? Jisoo, c’mon, you’re safe, right? I’m just overreacting, right? That person was just Seokmin coming to pick you up. Or maybe Chan’s just ready to head home.  _

Nothing he tells himself works. 

Jeonghan holds back from stomping the floor in sheer anger and decides that he can't just stand still any longer. 

Left it is. 

-

-

_ Jisoo’s POV _

-

-

_ Fuck, my head hurts _ , Jisoo thinks, momentarily dying when he feels his brain roll around his skull.  _ I’m never drinking again.  _

It takes Jisoo a long time to gather the energy to crack his eyes open. Every cell in his body begs him to just stop  _ moving _ , but he can tell he’s not his room despite the intense hangover and would rather find out who’s bed he’s on sooner rather than later. 

When his eyes finally start to work, Jisoo realizes that he doesn’t recognize the room at all. It’s not Wonwoo’s. Or Jihoon’s. Or even Jeonghan’s. 

“Mhmm.”

Jisoo nearly shits his pants. 

Oh wait. 

There’s a lack thereof. 

Jisoo looks down to his side where the sound came from, gasping when it’s another  _ human being _ laying down besides him. Jisoo flies up, grabbing the blankets and shoving them around his naked body. 

“What’s going on?” Jisoo says, voice shrill and crackly. 

The person cracks his own eye open and covers a yawn with a hand. “Oh, you’re up.”

“Huh?”

“You don’t remember?”

Jisoo’s about to demand what’s going on  _ again _ , when he realizes that yes, he does remember. 

Holy shit. 

Jisoo had sex with someone who wasn’t Jeonghan for the first time in three years. 

_ Oh, my god, oh my god, oh my god oh my god oh my god -  _

“Does anything hurt?” 

Jisoo recalls that the guy’s name was Jaebum. 

“N-no, I’m good.”

“You fell asleep quickly yesterday, you know.” Jaebum smiles like he’s sharing a secret and flops back down onto the mattress. 

“‘I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, we had fun before you dozed off. Let me know if your back hurts.”

Jisoo squeezes the sheets under his hands and ignores the pain lapping at his backside, predominantly near his waist and thigh areas. 

“I’m sorry, Jaebum-ssi, I did something bad.”

Jaebum’s easy expression falls. “God, you didn’t cheat on someone, right?”

“N-no! No, but, I can’t - I had someone I liked and I messed it up. I’m sorry.”

Jaebum places a hand over Jisoo’s exposed thigh and gives him a little grin. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m not offended. I’ll get your clothes ready, so why don’t you go in and take a shower? There should be a new toothbrush pack in the mirror cabinet.”

Jisoo swallows the burning lump of shame in his throat and nods. “Thank you.”

“Any time.”

-

-

It takes Jisoo an hour to get back to his dorms, because apparently, he gets lost pretty easily when he has a hangover. 

But he finally makes it to the front door in one piece, with a little bit of sweat from the distance he’s walked trailing down his back. He sincerely hopes that Seokmin’s sleeping since it’s only nine in the morning, so it’s easier for him to quietly escape into his room. 

So when he opens the door, he’s really not expecting the twelve guys huddled into a tight circle, hovering above their phones in complete and utter silence. 

“Jisoo?” Seokmin’s the first to react to Jisoo’s entrance, flying up from his seat on the floor and rushing over to Jisoo. Jeonghan and Wonwoo follow quickly after, right on top of Seokmin’s trail. “God, why didn’t you answer your texts or calls! We were about to call the police, you fucking idiot!”

Jisoo shoots Seokmin a confused look and pulls his phone out for the first time since yesterday. 

_ 213 missed calls.  _

_ 508 new messages.  _

“What happened?” Jisoo asks, unsure of why Jeonghan’s suddenly pulling him into a hug. 

“What do you mean, what happened! You dipped at the party without telling anyone, and when we woke up, you were the only one missing! We thought someone kidnapped you or something!” Minghao shouts, standing up with an angry look on his face. Jun takes hold of Minghao’s shoulder, presumably to stop him from saying anything else. 

“I stepped out for a bit.”

Jeonghan clicks his tongue harshly. “You were missing for the whole  _ night _ , you should have answered when I called you! God, w -”

Jeonghan stops in the middle of his sentence. 

Jihoon looks nervously between Jeonghan and Jisoo, before curling up into Seungcheol’s side. “Are you okay, Jeonghan?”

Jeonghan’s frozen for some reason. 

Wonwoo’s eyes widen and his hands shoot up to cover his mouth. “Jisoo? You didn’t have to do anything bad last night, right? You’re okay?”

Jisoo nods, mildly annoyed that everyone’s acting so protective over him. “Of course. Why, do you think I went ahead and got myself in trouble?”

Jisoo moves to side-step Jeonghan when his arm is pulled into a death grip. 

The room is silent 

Jisoo looks at Jeonghan questioningly, unable to tug his wrist out of his grasp. 

“Jisoo?”

“Yes,  _ Jeonghan _ ?”

Jeonghan’s free hand snatches Jisoo’s collar and yanks it down. 

Seokmin reacts by closing his eyes, and Mingyu’s mouth drops open in an almost comical fashion. 

“ _ Jisoo _ .”

“What  _ is it _ ,” Jisoo snaps. 

Jeonghan’s crying. 

Why? 

_ Why?  _

_ Why’s he crying, why is everyone staring at me like I have a dick tattooed onto my forehead, why - _

  
  


“Did you cheat on me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow a drunken one night stand that DOESNT end w the person forgetting? radical.


	6. judgement day

-

-

Jeonghan’s POV

-

-

Jeonghan remembers the first time he realized that he felt more towards Jisoo than a best friend should when he was fourteen years old. 

Awkward and still growing into his body, his personality, his likes and dislikes, hobbies, whatever it was that he had to discover - 

That was when he knew.

They had been friends for most of their lives, and Jisoo was a constant. Wherever he went, he went with Jisoo. Whatever he wanted to try out, he tried out with Jisoo. In their stupid little teen lives, they were each other’s only sense of calmness.

He had been crying one day, over something so trivial and stupid that he wouldn’t be able to say what it was right now, but Jisoo had stood with him, cradling Jeonghan’s weeping self in his scrawny arms until the tears dried up and Jeonghan was left a sweaty pile of flesh and sticky clothes. And then offered Jeonghan the rest of his soggy McDonald’s fries.

Jisoo didn’t ask what was wrong, what happened, didn’t make fun of him, just hugged Jeonghan with quiet ferocity and meaningless whispers to try and make him feel better and then magically, like it was a god snapping their fingers, Jeonghan had realized he didn’t ever want someone else to hug him like that. (Plus, he smelled like warm fries so that was a strange bonus.)

It was a simple love; Jeonghan knew where he stood but refused to take a step forward in fear of pushing Jisoo away. They ended up going through the same high school, then landed in the same university. (It wasn’t sheer luck - Jeonghan had waited for Jisoo to announce where he was going before applying himself.)

But then  _ finally _ , as if Cupid shot him, Jisoo confessed first. It was a strangely warm night in the middle of autumn, and under the mild heat of evening and filtered shadows dancing around the two of them, Jisoo had stood still, stopping their walk through the park, before whispering softly,  _ Jeonghan, I like you.  _

And they ran back to the living halls (they shared a dorm freshman year, before Jisoo changed his major and was forced to switch) like a demon was chasing after them, feet slapping against the pavement and breaths wildly out of control. 

Jeonghan remembers the way he laughed into Jisoo’s neck, their fingers jostling together clumsily in an attempt to strip each other of their clothes faster. The first time Jeonghan pressed a kiss into Jisoo’s bare skin, the first time he felt the weight of Jisoo on top of him, the first time he touched Jisoo where he wanted. 

That all happened. 

So why is Jisoo standing in front of him right now, looking like death, with hickies that  _ he didn’t put there, _ painted up and down his neck, eyes wide like  _ Jeonghan’s  _ the crazy one? 

Jeonghan’s question lingers in the air before Jisoo lets out the harshest scoff he’s ever come out of a person. 

“Did I  _ cheat _ on you? Are you really asking me that right now?” Jisoo lets out a small shriek and roughly threads his fingers through his hair before sliding them down his face. “This isn’t what  _ cheating _ is! I can’t believe you have the audacity to stand in front of me right now, in front of  _ everyone _ , asking if I  _ cheated _ on you!”

Jeonghan’s kind of aware of the amount of eyes on them right now but can’t bring himself to care. “Did. You. Sleep. With. Someone. Else.”

“ _ Stop. Talking. To. Me. Like. I’m. Five. _ Yeah, I did, so what? Last time I checked, I didn't need to ask you every time I wanted to get with someone!”

_ Don’t you dare start crying right now, Jeonghan _ . 

He turns to Seokmin, who’s been glaring at him the whole time. “You. Did you have something to do with this? Why are you glaring at me like I’m crazy, Seokmin?”

Seokmin steps in front of Jisoo and crosses his arms. “Are you serious, Jeonghan? No, I didn’t  _ have anything to do with it _ , but even if I did, you have no right to say anything about it.”

“Seokmin, what’s wrong with you!” Mingyu shouts, shoving Jeonghan out of the way. “I didn’t expect you to be on the side of a  _ cheater _ .”

“Don’t call him that! You don’t even know anything he’s been through because of Jeonghan, how  _ dare _ you call him a cheater? Are you fucking thick in the head, Mingyu?”

“Uh, not that add fuel to  _ whatever _ fire this is, but I need to take Jisoo’s side on this. You guys have no right to call him a cheater. That’s just mean.” Seungkwan tries to shrug nonchalantly, but it comes off as stiff and it’s clear by the expression on his face that he’s pretty fucking uncomfortable. 

Jisoo waves his arms at Seungkwan, up and down and eyes bulging. “ _ Exactly _ what he said!”

Seungcheol gets up from the couch and swiftly makes his way over to the little huddle by the door, before grabbing Jeonghan’s shoulder with his hand and yanking him back. “What the hell are you guys on? Jisoo, I love you, but you cheated. That’s not forgivable and I don’t know why people are trying to stand up for that.”

Seokmin steps into Seungcheol’s face with a glower on his face so dark that Jeonghan’s kind of scared. It feels unfamiliar for Seokmin to look so mad and he’s so confused that he’s finding it hard to stay furious. Even though, well, he  _ should _ be mad. “No, why are  _ you _ guys defending him? What the fuck? So if someone sleeps with someone else, they’re cheating?”

Mingyu’s brows draw together. “Um? Are you hearing yourself? Yes! You can’t  _ sleep with someone else _ when you’re in a relationship!”

“Last time I checked, being friends with benefits with someone isn’t the same thing as  _ being in a relationship? _ ”

“Oh, so being sex friends is the same as being in a relationship now? Seokmin, back off!” Hansol barks. “Everyone, back off. This is getting out of hand. We shouldn’t be arguing over something this complicated when it doesn’t pertain to us.”

Seungkwan leans out of Hansol’s side. “What’s so complicated about it? Jeonghan and his  _ lackeys _ are being mean to Jisoo for no reason!  _ They  _ should be the ones apologizing!”

“No, you guys can’t just back up your friend because you’re  _ friends _ , Jisoo cheated!” Mingyu yells. 

“Jisoo didn’t cheat, Jeonghan’s the one being out of line for yelling at him!” Jihoon bites back. 

“Are you blind? The hickeys are  _ right  _ there, he cheated! God, I get standing up for your friends is important, but you guys are just picking and choosing at this point,” Soonyoung lets out. 

“Yeah, he slept with someone, but it’s not  _ cheating _ !” Minghao retorts, rolling his eyes like he’s saying the most obvious thing in the world. 

It’s Wonwoo’s turn to butt in. “You all need to stop being so fucking rude. Get off of Jisoo’s back.” 

Mingyu shakes his head. “Uh, I’m kind of scared of  _ us _ if you’re taking Jisoo’s side. I’m not in the wrong, right? Because I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

“Everyone, shut  _ up! _ ”

The room goes silent. 

Chan sits in the middle of the floor by the coffee table, balled up and teary-eyed. 

Jeonghan wants to run out of the room wth Jisoo behind him so he can try and talk this out in peace, but it doesn’t seem to be an option. The screaming and arguing around him starts to drive him mad, and he can feel that his patience is hanging together by a single, measly thread.

Chan exhales a shaky breath before slowly pulling his hands off his ears. “Guys, there’s obviously something going on. Half of you keep saying Jisoo cheated and the other half is saying that it wasn’t cheating because they were  _ sex friends _ . Stop yelling at each other, just, stop it! Stop it!” 

Chan ends up bawling, and Jun immediately rushes to his side with quiet shushes to try and help him calm down. 

Jun sighs. “Chan’s right, you guys, no one’s stories are adding up. Let’s start with the most basic question. Mingyu, Seungcheol, Soonyoung, and Hansol. Why are you guys calling Jisoo the cheater?”

Mingyu snorts. “Uh, maybe because he  _ is _ ? When you’re dating someone, you don’t sleep with someone else? Am I the only sane person here?”

Seungcheol, Soonyoung, and Hansol quietly assure him that  _ no, he isn’t _ . 

“Yeah. Which is why we’re confused. When you date someone for two years, it’s pretty obvious you aren’t supposed to go around having sex with strangers,” Hansol says. 

“Okay. Seokmin? I’ll let you speak for the others.”

“ _ Well _ , this whole situation makes abso-fucking-lutely no sense because Jeonghan’s acting like he can claim exclusivity to Jisoo just because they’re sex friends. Why do you guys keep using the word  _ dating _ , by the way?”

Jun blinks a couple of times and stops rubbing small circles on Chan’s back. “Wait. So let me get this straight. Jeonghan, Mingyu, Seungcheol, Soonyoung, and Hansol all think that Jisoo and Jeonghan have been dating for two years, so that’s why they think Jisoo cheated. On the other hand, Jisoo, Seokmin, Minghao, Seungkwan, Wonwoo, and myself are rather confused because we’ve been thinking that Jisoo and Jeonghan have been doing nothing more than fooling around once in a while, so Jeonghan has no right to get mad at him for sleeping with someone else. This is it, right? We’ve all had different versions of the same story. For the past. Two. Years.”

Jeonghan turns to look at Jisoo, who’s very clearly biting back his own tears. “Jisoo? Is that true? You thought we were only  _ sex friends _ ? How could you even come to that conclusion, we were very clearly dating!”

“Hey, you were the one who didn’t answer me when I confessed!”

“What? We literally got together the day that happened -”

“ _ I  _ said that I liked you.  _ You _ didn’t respond until we got back to our dorm room and even then, you still never said anything about dating. Even after we had sex the for the first time, you never,  _ ever _ said,  _ do you want to go out with me _ , or anything along those lines, so obviously I came to the conclusion that you didn’t want anything more! Was I just supposed to  _ know _ , or something?”

“B-but, but all those dates! Our weekly coffee grabs, and, you, we had our anniversaries and everything! The picnic? The stargazing?”

Jisoo closes his eyes. 

“Friends do those things, too. I didn’t realize those were dates.”

“Did I really just waste two years of my life thinking I was in the best relationship of my life?”

“Hey, I could say the same thing about you, you know! I just found out that I missed out on being in a relationship for the last two years with the guy that I’ve been in love with for the entirety of my whole life!”

Jeonghan can only describe what he feels as complete and utter defeat. 

“Fine. We were both wrong. But you were prepared to end this. I wasn’t.”

Jeonghan can’t stand in the room any longer. He pushes past the crowd and leaves before anything new can get sprung on him. 

_ What’s next, Jisoo has a secret love child with the RA and needs my help raising it? _

Jeonghan feels his heart tighten up so much it hurts to breathe. 

Fuck. 

_ Fuck _ . 

Two years. 

Just because they’ve been misunderstanding each other for so long. 

_ Fuck _ . 

This -

This isn’t fair. 

It isn’t.

-

-

Jisoo’s POV

-

-

After Jeonghan leaves, everyone awkwardly shuffles around, unsure of what to do with themselves. It’s clear that they’re having a hard time accepting or understanding what just happened, and Chan’s still crying into Jun’s shoulder. 

“I want to be alone right now, if that’s okay.” Jisoo isn’t sure if he’s talking loud enough for everyone to hear, but he opens his eyes when someone pats his shoulder. 

“Text me and I’ll be here in a heartbeat, okay? If I don’t hear back from you, I’ll just sleep over at someone’s dorm.” Seokmin gives Jisoo a small hug before opening the door for everyone. 

Jisoo nods in thanks. 

It’s fucking painful. 

Jisoo literally could have been happy with himself for the last two years, could have called Jeonghan his own, could have, could have,  _ could have _ done so much but  _ didn’t _ , just because they never bothered to talk things out. 

Mingyu stops in front of Jisoo and offers him a sheepish shoulder pat. “I’m sorry for blowing up on you. I take everything back.”

“Okay.”

Minghao and Seungkwan are the last to file out, offering quiet goodbyes and a cheek kiss from Minghao. 

Jisoo shuts the door behind him and sinks down onto the floor. Every single limb on his body feels like jelly and there’s nothing he’d rather do than just melt into the floor and disappear. 

He just wants to see Jeonghan. 

Jisoo takes his phone out of his pocket and quickly dials Jeonghan, praying that he isn’t too mad to ignore the call. 

Jeonghan picks up.

“Jisoo, I don’t really want t-”

“But I  _ do _ , Jeonghan, please.  _ Please _ . We’re both wrong right now. Let’s talk. Please. Everyone left. My dorm’s empty. Seokmin’s going to bunk with someone tonight. Please, Jeonghan, I want to ta-”

“Okay, okay, calm down,” Jeonghan’s voice is shaky over the line. “Give me an hour. I still need some time to breathe.”

Jeonghan hangs up before Jisoo can get another word in and Jisoo can’t tell whether the feeling flooding through his chest is relief or worry. Probably both. 

_ I should probably think of what to say to him _ , Jisoo thinks, and starts racking his brain for ways to start a conversation. 

“Hey, Jeonghan. I know I slept with someone else but technically I didn’t think we were dating so you can’t really blame me for it.”

_ Fuck _ ,  _ no. _

“Jeonghan, I hate the fact that this stupid misunderstanding hurt the both of us this bad. I never meant it, and I made a mistake yesterday, please forgive me?”

_ Well, that just makes it sound like it’s entirely your fault. _

“First of all, I love you. Above all else, that’s the only thing in this world I’m certain of. So please, I know it’s hard right now, but can we talk?”

_ Getting there _ .

Jisoo goes through at least a million before settling for an easy  _ nothing _ \- his mind keeps finding something wrong with every phrase he comes up with. 

Love is stupidly hard. 

-

-

Jeonghan’s POV

-

-

“I mean, I know we both messed up but I was the one who thought we were in a relationship and he still  _ did  _ sleep with someone at the end of the day. Am I supposed to break up with him?”

Soonyoung sighs when Jeonghan finishes his question, leaning against his pillow a bit more. “Do you feel like you should?”

“I mean, a little bit.”

“Then break up with him.”

“But I love him.”

“Then don’t break up with him.”

“But we still definitely can’t just pretend like nothing happened, even if he says he still loves me.”

“Then don’t be with him.”

“But I love him.”

“Then be with him.”

“But-”

“For fuck’s  _ sake _ , Jeonghan. I don’t know what you should do. Okay? No one does. Whether you guys get back together, or stay together, or break up, or  _ whatever _ , all of us will listen and support your choices. I don’t know. It’s just a matter of trusting your gut.”

“I know, but it’s just that, I made him feel like we were only sex friends. If I just had answered him properly that day, he wouldn’t have felt like that. I can’t imagine how much it hurt him for the last two years to think we weren’t more.”

Soonyoung shoves his face into the pillow and lets out a groan, which gets swallowed up by the fabric effectively covering his face. “Fuck. I don’t know. Just talk to him and see where it goes.”

“You are so fucking  _ useless _ , Soonyoung.”

“I know.”

-

-

Jisoo’s POV

-

-

Exactly an hour later, there’s a knock at Jisoo’s dorm room door. He shoots up off his seat on the couch and sprints over to let Jeonghan in, nearly slipping and falling headfirst into the corner of the sofa in the process. The burning soreness in his lower back screams in protest of his impossibly-fast movements, but Jisoo ignores the sensation in lieu of opening the door for Jeonghan.

He looks tired more than anything else. No matter how much Jisoo tries to find some kind of hint of another emotion, he can’t. 

“Jeonghan,” Jisoo says, hoping that a sentence follows. He can’t seem to find any words, however, and is left with his mouth open in nervous shock. It’s like all the practice he did earlier to try and think of an opening like disappears out of his brain. 

“Jisoo,” Jeonghan says back, allowing Jisoo to slowly lead him into the room. They decide to sit on the couch in silence, as far apart as they can be. “I don’t really know what to say right now. I’m still having a hard time letting everything sink in. So if you wanted to talk, I don’t think I’ll be able to reciprocate the way you want.”

“That’s okay,” Jisoo closes his eyes and fidgets with the end of his hoodie string. “I’ll do most of the talking, so just listen, please?”

Jeonghan nods silently. 

Jisoo exhales, pressing his hand into his stomach to try and calm himself down. His backside still aches, so he awkwardly adjusts himself on a cushion before he throws up due to the pain. “I-I know I ruined everything last night, and th-there’s, w-well, I know I can’t change the fact that I  _ did _ sleep with someone while you thought we were dating. I’d be so hurt if I was in your shoes, but I’m not. I’m in mine, and in mine, you didn’t want anything but my body for the last two years. So when the first cracks started to show, I became a coward, and instead of confronting you, I ran away. I thought you really only saw me as a sex friend, and I kept telling myself that I was okay with it, because at least you wanted a part of me. But then I cracked. So I’m sorry, Jeonghan, I know I messed up but please.  _ Please _ , this isn’t just something I can apologize for and take full responsibility for. I want us to be real, for the _both_ of us.”

Jeonghan doesn’t respond and Jisoo’s too scared to look over and gauge his reaction. 

What if Jeonghan runs?

_ What if this is it?  _

Jeonghan can’t just leave like that, can he? 

It’s at least five minutes of pure silence before Jeonghan clears his throat quietly, and Jisoo’s ears twitch in anticipation. 

“Jisoo. Listen to what I have to say before you say something back, okay?”

“Okay,” Jisoo says shakily. “I can do that.”

“Jisoo,” Jeonghan starts. “I love you. And nothing in this world can change that. Okay? I love you. And you’re also right. I can’t have you take the full blame for this because I didn’t even confirm that we were dating, and I led you to think that this was all for a physical relationship. But.  _ But _ . I just don’t think I can pretend you didn’t have sex with another guy. I’m not saying this is the end of us. I don’t want it to be. I think the both of us just need time. We’re both exhausted.”

Jisoo bites back tears. 

“B-but, I-I love you,” he whispers, gripping his side as hard as he can to try and calm down the nausea rolling through him. “I love you.”

It’s not a real argument or point made to convince Jeonghan of anything, but Jisoo can’t seem to think of anything else to say at this point. 

Jeonghan leans his elbows down on his knees and stares down at the floor. “I love you, too, but I can’t. I keep  _ picturing _ you and some other guy and I can’t stop  _ thinking _ about the two of you together and I can’t stop  _ imagining  _ you getting touched by him and you touching him and the two of you  _ sharing something _ . I can’t. I.  _ Can’t _ .  _ Stop _ . Jisoo. I can’t.”

“You  _ know  _ it didn’t mean anything to me,” Jisoo whimpers, choking on his words. His stomach hurts so bad right now - he just wants to pass out in a dark closet by himself, surrounded by walls and walls and walls of blankets. Jeonghan’s really just leaving like this, huh? “Jeonghan, you know that.”

“Yeah, I trust you when you say that,” Jeonghan mutters. “Look, I don’t think we can help it being awkward between us for a little bit, but maybe we can talk about us again in a couple weeks, or months, I don’t know-”

“Wa-wait,  _ months _ ? I, I don’t want to wait months to talk about us, Jeonghan, please, I know I messed up, I  _ know _ that, b-but, please, you can’t leave me for a couple of  _ months _ , please,  _ please _ , I want to be with you now! J-Jeonghan, please don’t l-”

Jisoo lets out a strangled cry when he turns to face Jeonghan too fast, his abdomen curling up like someone just punched him square in the stomach. 

Everything hurts, and he’s not sure why. 

“Jisoo, are you okay?” Jeonghan exclaims, immediately jumping up from his side of the couch and flying over to Jisoo’s side.

“Don’t know.”

Jisoo really doesn’t. Just knows that something hurts really fucking bad and Jeonghan’s pulling him into a hug and it kind of gets better, and then Jeonghan’s arms wrap around his body and it gets better, and then Jeonghan’s cradling the back of Jisoo’s head and it gets better. 

“Jisoo, I think I need to leave.”

It hurts again. 

Jisoo tries to memorize the warm, fresh-cotton scent that clings onto Jeonghan and tucks it into the back of his head where he’ll never forget it. 

“Jeonghan, please take me back,” Jisoo’s voice is barely functioning. “Please.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Idiot,” Jeonghan whispers after a long deliberation. “I never left you in the first place.”

-

-

_ Jisoo: we talked.  _

_ Seokmin: oh, thank god.  _

_ Minghao: im assuming its good news since ur texting all of us? _

_ Jeonghan: we’re going to do this for real now. dating. properly.  _

_ Mingyu: happy 2 hear it :) _

_ Wonwoo: thank fucking god.  _

_ Chan: yay! Sorry for crying like a baby earlier _

_ Jun: yes! Also chan, dw. We’re sorry for our arguing stressing you out.  _

_ Soonyoung: fucking finally _

_ MInghao: YESSSSSS _

_ Seungcheol: congrats. u guys deserve the world. for real. im proud.  _

_ Jihoon: i swear im smiling so hard rn :) _

_ Seungkwan: CALLED ITTTTTT !!!! LOVE YOU TWO!!!!! _

_ Hansol: i wouldve died if u two hadnt ended up together  _

_ Jisoo: thank you. sorry for dragging everything through our issues.  _

_ Minghao: dont u ever fucking apologzie for that. it was no one’s fault  _

_ Seungcheol: im so sorry for blowing up at you earlier, jisoo.  _

_ Soonyoung: same. im sorry. really.  _

_ Hansol: im so sorry too. ik its obvious but i didn’t kno better. im sorry . _

_ Mingyu: ill never stop feeling guilty. Im Sorry.  _

_ Jisoo: It’s okay. I’m going to bed now, so goodnight.  _

_ Jeonghan: Yay we get to cuddle now.  _

_ Jun: Goodnight, lovebugs.  _

_ Minghao: gn!!! And stop being cute in front of me. Ill throw up _

_ Hansol: good night.  _

_ Seungkwan: rest you! yall must b tired  _

_ Seungcheol: good night!  _

_ Jihoon: gn. We should turn in, too, suengcheol.  _

_ Soonyoung: gn whores have fun  _

_ Seokmin: goodnight! Dont have sex on my bed. I mean it.  _

_ Wonwoo: goodnight. Also seokmin i highly dobt that was a part of their plans. _

_ Chan: good night, jisoo hyung! Good night, jeonghan hyung! _

_ Jisoo: good night, chan! _

_ Jeonghan: good night my sweet little summer child i love you _

_ Minghao: whyd you only respond to chan u fucking whore  _

_ Jeonghan: bc Chan’s baby :( _

_ Minghao: can’t argue with that.  _

_ Chan: yay! :) make sure to sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite! _

_ Seungkwan: tick tock  _

_ Minghao: on the clock  _

_ Seungkwan: dj blow my speakers up  _

_ Minghao: tonight imma fight  _

_ Jihoon: go the fuck to bed before i shove knives up your buttholes and make you eat toenails  _

_ Seungkwan: til we see the sunlight  _

_ Hansol: uh _

_ Hansol: not to  _

_ Hansol: alarm anyone  _

_ Hansol: but  _

_ Hansol: jhoon just rolled off his bed and launched himself onto Seungkwan. I knew having them room together was a bad idea.  _

_ Hansol: oh look at that _

_ Hansol: he’s biting  _

_ Mingyu: …. _

_ Mingyu: who’s “he” _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look at that. now we get to have fluff. and also deal with seoksoon being stupid. yay yay yay


	7. wherever i go

Seokmin’s POV

-

-

“So, they’re really together, huh?” 

Seokmin looks up. 

It’s Soonyoung. 

“Uh, yeah. I guess,” Seokmin responds quietly, unsure of as to why Soonyoung’s suddenly striking up a conversation with him out of nowhere. Ever since their -  _ disagreement _ , it’s been an unspoken pact between themselves to avoid each other. Which is also why he skipped the party. (In hindsight, he probably should’ve gone to keep an eye on Jisoo, but the past is in the past and it worked out in the end, so Seokmin doesn’t dwell on it for too long.)

“You think they’ll last?”

Seokmin’s surprised by the continuation of conversation on Soonyoung’s part. 

This is weird. 

“I mean, if they don’t, who will?” Seokmin absentmindedly fiddles with the pages of his book and settles on closing it - it’s not like he’s going to be able to concentrate on anything now. “Wait, uh, you don’t think they’re going to break up again, right?”

Soonyoung opens the water bottle in his hand and Seokmin’s ears twitch at the click of the cap releasing itself. “Who knows? I mean, I love the both of them, but I’d still be hurt if I was Jeonghan. He was the one who thought they were dating, and Jisoo still slept with someone else. It’s a misunderstanding, sure, but it’s not fair to say that Jisoo’s equally as hurt.”

“What the fuck do  _ you _ know, Soonyoung?” Seokmin shoves his book into his bag and stands up, ready to leave once he’s done giving Soonyoung a piece of his mind. “You’re not the one who watched Jisoo tear himself apart because he thought the love of his life saw him as nothing more than a sex friend. You’re not the one who had to hold Jisoo through his panic attacks because he didn’t want to scare Jeonghan off. You’re not the one who couldn’t do anything about Jisoo hating himself because he felt like he wasn’t enough for Jeonghan. They’ve been hurt in different ways. Who knows if they’ll last, right? No couple is guaranteed to stay together. But take that bullshit somewhere else, Soonyoung. What right do you have to say that Jeonghan was hurt more? It was one night for him. Jisoo’s been suffering for the past two years.”

“Well, I guess we can agree to disagree,” Soonyoung spits out vehemently. “Like always.”

“What is your fucking  _ problem _ !” Seokmin shouts, wondering why Soonyoung started talking to him in the first place if he was just going to be bitch about it. “Why do you hate me so fucking much, Soonyoung? I apologized for liking you. I let you embarrass me because I felt guilty. I’ve been avoiding you like you wanted. Stop being such a fucking dick, oh my  _ god _ !”

“Well, no one asked you to!”

“Asked me to do what?” Seokmin storms up to the door of the break room and is about to turn the handle when Soonyoung snatches his arm and yanks him backwards so fast he falls on his butt. It’s a painful landing, made worse by Soonyoung tripping and falling on top of him. “God, get  _ off _ of me, you bastard! No one asked me to do  _ what _ , Soonyoung, finish your sentences!”

Seokmin rolls onto his knees and shoves Soonyoung to the side, and then tries to find where his bag landed. 

“No one asked you to avoid me!” Soonyoung screams back, face red and flushed and chest heaving up and down as he pants for his breath. “No one asked you to do that. I didn’t want you  _ avoiding  _ me!”

“Well, you humiliated me enough that I got the point, Soonyoung! Seriously, what the fuck is your problem? You told me off for confessing to you, and now that I’m not talking to you, you don’t like that either? Are you fucking thick in the head? Is your brain there?”

“Shut -  _ shut up! _ I - I, god, fuck! Fuck this, fuck!” Soonyoung’s screams are getting louder and louder and Seokmin backs himself up against the wall when Soonyoung suddenly starts to get closer. “Seokmin, I don’t know what to do, fuck. God, I - I’m sorry, for what I said and did to you. I just - I never know what to do with people and I - what do I  _ do _ , Seokmin?”

Soonyoung’s voice is reduced to a pitiful whimper and they’re so  _ close _ all of a sudden, too much for Seokmin to deal with. He’s trapped between the wall and Soonyoung’s body, but thinks that if he leaves now, Soonyoung’s probably going to fall into a panic attack or something. The floor is uncomfortable to sit on, but Seokmin doesn’t really have the space to adjust his position.

Seokmin sighs and grabs Soonyoung’s hand. 

“What is it that you want, Soonyoung?”

Soonyoung’s eyes are red and tears are freefalling from them, landing all over his shirt and Seokmin’s arms. “I don’t know,” Soonyoung whispers. “Just tell me what to do to make it stop hurting.”

“Soonyoung, only you know how to do that. I don’t know why you’re like this right now, but I can do as much as stay here with you until you stop crying. But I can’t figure this out for you.”

Soonyoung drops his forehead onto Seokmin’s shoulder and exhales shakily. 

“Can you kiss me?”

Seokmin literally feels every single nerve in his body shut down at that question. 

“Wh-what?”

“Can you kiss me?” Soonyoung asks again, voice softer, but the desperation is clearer. “Please.”

Seokmin uses his free hand to turn Soonyoung’s head so they can face each other, and Soonyoung doesn’t avert his gaze. 

There’s something so sad in his eyes but Seokmin doesn’t know why. 

“You want me to kiss you?”

“Yes, please.”

“Is that going to help you in any sort of way?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re so annoying,” Seokmin quips gently. He smiles to show that he’s only joking, but Soonyoung sniffles. “Close your eyes, Soonyoung.”

Seokmin’s not sure why he’s agreed to do it. It’s a ridiculous request for him to kiss the person he’s been hated by for the last couple of months, but the sheer hopelessness that’s painted on Soonyoung’s face tells him that he should. 

Soonyoung tastes like mint, with soft lips that move over his own a little bit sloppily. Seokmin moves a hand up to Soonyoung’s cheek so he can angle his head better, deepening their kiss ever so slightly. 

Soonyoung’s tension seems to melt a bit, and for a while, the only thing Seokmin can feel is the connection of their lips moving languidly together in tandem, pressing and sucking a bit harder ever so often. 

It seems like maybe an eternity has passed before they both pull away slowly for air, and Soonyoung opens his eyes again. 

“Feel better?” Seokmin asks. It’s supposed to be an easy conversation starter, but Soonyoung reacts in the opposite way that he’s expecting.

“Fuck.”

“What?”

“I - I, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you to do that. I’m sorry. God. No, this isn’t what - I’m sorry. Seokmin. I’m sorry. Forget that, please. I’m sorry.”

Soonyoung bolts up, and before Seokmin can even process what just happened, Soonyoung’s out the door and he’s left alone, sitting by himself with his bag strewn by his feet. 

He slams his head back against the wall, cursing when the impact hits. 

  
  
  


What the  _ fuck _ was that?

-

-

Seokmin picks himself up about five minutes later, and pushes all the thoughts in his head to the back of his brain while he trudges back up to his room. 

He needs to talk to someone before he passes out. Jisoo seems like a good option, and hopes he’s in the dorm. 

“Hey, I’m back,” Seokmin says once he enters his dorm. Jisoo peeks his head out of his room and smiles. 

“Hey, Seokmin! Where were you?”

“A dark place. Something really shitty just happened, Jisoo. Are you able to talk right n-” Seokmin pauses and narrows his eyes suspiciously at Jisoo, who isn’t leaving his doorway. “Jeonghan’s here, isn’t he?”

Jisoo coughs. “I’m not always with him, you know.”

“So where is he?”

“Right here,” Jeonghan groans, appearing behind Jisoo in a shirtless fashion. Seokmin rolls his eyes. “God, Seokmin, you really just had to show up at the good part.”

Seokmin throws his bag down. “Disgusting. I’ll just come back later.”

Jeonghan lets out a dramatic sigh and presses a kiss into Jisoo’s neck. “No, it’s okay, I’ll leave. You seem to be in need of a talk. Jisoo, text me later, okay?”

Jisoo nods and smiles with a blush. “Okay.”

Jeonghan says goodbye and pats Seokmin’s shoulder. “I can’t believe you just cock-blocked me, Seokmin. I’ll jerk off thinking of you.”

Jisoo giggles. 

Seokmin does not. “What?”

“That-” Jeonghan seems to realize what he just said and shakes his head. “I shouldn’t have worded it like that. I’ll be dying now, thanks.”

Seokmin grimaces. “Yeah, you go ahead and do just that.”

-

-

“So, what’s this about? Are you okay?” Jisoo moves up on his bed to make room for Seokmin, who effectively throws himself down onto the mattress. 

“Nope. Soonyoung just kissed me in the break room down the hall and then ran off.”

“Wow, that was a lot of words. Start from the beginning.”

“Well, he just started talking to me and was being really annoying about you and Jeonghan because he’s a dick like that, and I told him off, and then somehow the conversation steered into another direction and he told me that he never asked for me to avoid him, and then he kissed me, and then there was crying and then he ran off. So I have no fucking clue what to do and what to feel. I’m just - I feel like about to pop any second.”

Jisoo allows Seokmin to put his head into his lap, and Jisoo’s fingers feel nice running through his hair. They tug at his strands carefully, undoing the tangles and knots. 

“You two really need to talk. There’s obviously something going on with him, and it’s not fair for him to take it out on you,” Jisoo looks down and traces a light finger down the side of Seokmin’s face in a comforting manner. “Do you still like him?”

Seokmin closes his eyes and hugs a pillow close to his body, feeling a strange tug in his chest. 

“I’m not sure. I thought I got over him, but when I kissed him today, I just got confused. It felt good. I feel like it shouldn’t have. Like I’m guilty or something.”

“Please don’t hate me, Seokmin.”

“Wh-why would I hate you?”

Jisoo smiles. 

“Take a nap, Seokmin. You look bone-tired right now.”

-

-

Jisoo’s POV

-

-

Jeonghan’s bed is probably one of Jisoo’s most favorite places on earth. 

It’s soft, it’s warm, it’s perfect for the two of them, and most importantly, the smell of Jeonghan’s clean body wash always sticks to the sheets ever so pleasantly, like a second blanket that wraps around Jisoo in the most comforting way. 

“Did you come here to do your homework or to take a nap?” Jeonghan asks, interrupting Jisoo’s blissful daydreaming, body strewn carelessly over the gray sheets. 

“Can’t I just do both?” Jisoo responds playfully, turning onto his stomach so he can watch Jeonghan walk around the room with various things cluttered in his arms. “Actually, I’ll take the nap.”

Jeonghan sets his stuff down and takes a seat at his desk chair and laughs lightly. It’s lilting. 

It’s pretty. 

“You need to do your work, Jisoo. You’ve been complaining about your assignments for days now.”

“Ugh, what are you, my dad?”

Jisoo doesn’t get the teasing remark he thinks he will - instead, Jeonghan just smiles and says, “You can use Mingyu’s desk. He’s over at Wonwoo’s room today.”

There’s something unsettling that fills Jisoo’s stomach all of a sudden, nothing that makes him uncomfortable, but it’s like a little nibble of worry. 

“Thanks,” Jisoo slides off the bed and saunters over to the empty desk, and sees that Jeonghan’s already set his books down on the surface. “Oh, by the way, do you want to get dinner together today? I haven’t had takeout in a while.”

“Oh,  _ shoot _ ,” Jeonghan grumbles. “I have a group project for my business analytics class. I need to leave in about two hours, sorry, Jisoo.”

“Sucks,” Jisoo says, grinning to hide his growing anxiety. “Next time, okay? You have to do well in class.”

“Look who’s talking,” Jeonghan quips. His eyes don’t leave his paper. “You need to start your homework.”

Jisoo cracks open his english lit book where the bookmark sticks out and runs his finger over the velvet strip. “Yeah. It’s hard to focus today.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine once you start working.”

Jisoo nods, knowing that Jeonghan’s not looking at him. 

_ What’s going on? _

Jisoo bites his lips. 

_ Does he -  _

_ Does he still feel awkward around me? _

Jisoo feels his mind take that thought and  _ run _ with it. 

Besides the night they made up, Jeonghan hasn’t really touched him since. Casual skinship - even things as simple as their hands brushing together while walking side by side - haven’t happened. No naps together, no kisses, not even hugs. He had joked earlier to Seokmin that he had been “cock-blocked”, but in reality, they had been doing nothing that could’ve even remotely led to sex - Jeonghan was silently tapping away on his phone and Jisoo had watched an episode of some stupid show in silence. Not even so much as an accidental brush of their hands had happened. 

It’s pretty obvious in hindsight that Jeonghan’s probably not okay with what had happened in the last week, but it still stings. Jisoo doesn't know how to fix this. 

Jisoo was stupid for thinking it could just be taken care of so easily. 

He takes his phone out of his pocket when he feels it vibrate with a text, and is surprised to see the text that pops up. 

  
  


_ Youngho: are you free right now? I wanna go to the library to work on the e.lit assignment. My little brain doesnt get it smh. We should do it together!  _

_ Youngho: jaehyun’s being a loser and wont come w me :( _

_ Jisoo: sure. We can meet there in twenty minutes.  _

_ Youngho: i knew you wouldnt let me down. ty! ill buy u a coffee _

_ Jisoo: be there soon :) _

  
  


Jisoo puts his phone down once he gets a thumbs up emoji as a response, and clears his throat. “Um, Jeonghan?”

“Yeah?” Jeonghan finally looks up, face blank in anticipation of a question. 

“Uh, I think I’ll go down to the library right now. Youngho’s there, and he doesn’t get the assignment so we’re gonna figure it out together.” 

“Oh, Youngho?” Jeonghan says, his left eyebrow rising just a  _ millimeter _ up like he’s trying to hold back his surprise. “How’s he doing?”

“Fine, I guess,” Jisoo starts packing his books. “I’m sorry for leaving so early.”

Jeonghan shakes his head. “No, homework is important to finish. I’ll walk you out.”

“Thank you.”

Jisoo grabs the last of his stuff and follows Jeonghan silently all the way to the foyer, but the gentle thudding of their feet walking against the hardwood floor drives Jisoo crazy. He can feel his heartbeat thrumming in his fingertips and the rush goes up to his head. 

“Make sure you sleep well, okay? Don’t stay up too late.”

Jisoo slips his shoes on and steps outside. “I won’t, I promise.”

“We’ll get dinner soon, okay? I’ll text you.”

“Are you free tomorrow after your classes?” Jisoo asks slowly, curling his fingers around his bag straps. 

“Uh, yeah, probably,” Jeonghan responds, eyes shifting to the floor. “I’ll text you or something.”

Jisoo smiles, but it definitely doesn’t feel like he’s doing it properly - his cheek feels tight and his eyes are having a hard time not shaking. “Kiss goodnight?”

Jeonghan loosens up a bit and gives Jisoo a small peck on the cheek. “Bye, Jisoo. Good luck studying.”

Jisoo nods. “Bye. And good luck on your project.”

“Project?” Jeonghan’s brows pull together and Jisoo wills the warm tingling behind his eyelids away. “Oh, yeah. Right. That stupid thing. Ugh.”

“Yeah,” Jisoo takes another step out into the hall. Jeonghan stays put, hand on the door so he can close it. “Bye.”

“Bye.”

Jeonghan shuts the door quickly and Jisoo stumbles all the way across campus to the library, wiping away the stray tears that fall down his face in an annoying blur. 

Jeonghan’s not going to pull away, is he? 

_ What if -  _

_ He wants to break up with me? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahoy mateys lets just jump onto this boat shall we ⛵ itll bring us to: Angstville ! yay! located on icy cold and choppy waters, this island will probably mess with your heart for a little bit! 
> 
> hope you guys enjoy this chapter! ive got a hanahaki disease au coming up after this one gets finished so im excited for that one. 
> 
> one-shot requests are still open! any svt ship and trope :) just let me know in the comments! 
> 
> thank you for all the support and i hope everyone is staying healthy and safe out there! ps wear a mask :)


	8. breakdown

“Hey Jisoo,” Minghao asks with a nudge of his shoulders. “Why’s Soonyoung texting me that I need to let him out of the dorm right away?”

Jisoo smiles in response and leans into Minghao’s side, who automatically lifts his arm and wraps it around Jisoo’s shoulders. Jun gives Jisoo a worried smile, but Jisoo knows it’s about his next words rather than the skinship with his boyfriend. 

“You don’t have to worry about it.”

“You  _ know _ I’d be the last person to try and stop you, right?”

Jisoo mulls that over. “Well, I can’t argue with that. I locked Seokmin and Soonyoung in my dorm. You know I’m not the biggest fan of getting involved with relationships but I feel like they need to talk. Plus, Soonyoung needs to apologize and I’m sick of him avoiding it.”

Jun nervously laughs and taps his fingers rapidly against the side of his coffee mug. “Uh, are you sure that’s the best way?”

Jisoo shrugs. “I don’t know, but I literally couldn’t think of any other way to get them into the same room, alone, at the same time. It was either lying about me forgetting my books or having a bloody accident, and I want Seokmin to hate me for an hour, not for the rest of my life, for lying.”

Minghao laughs and Jisoo has to move his head to the side so his ears don’t get blasted. “I literally can’t  _ wait _ for this to happen, holy shit. Do you think they’re fighting yet?”

Jun shrugs. “The desperate texting on Soonyoung’s part stopped so they’re either dead or hashing it out between themselves. I’d say it’s a solid fifty-fifty chance that it could be either outcome.”

Jisoo rolls his eyes. “Go back to your homework, nerd. Who even uses the words  _ hashing it out _ ?”

Jun narrows his eyes but turns back to his book with a little smile. 

-

-

Seokmin’s POV

-

-

Hindsight is 20/20, as they say. 

Seokmin should’ve realized the  _ second _ Jisoo asked him to pick up a couple of textbooks from their dorm on his way down to the library that  _ something _ was wrong. 

Jisoo’s one of the best students that Seokmin knows, which means he never forgets anything he needs for the day. 

But like the literal fucking  _ chump _ he is, Seokmin blindly listened and well? Now? 

Now, he’s locked in a room with Soonyoung, and there’s no way out (unless they want to take a shot at jumping down ten stories and somehow surviving it). 

“Fuck,” Soonyoung mutters, shoving his phone back into his pocket. He was undoubtedly texting someone about the situation; it had been made obvious by the awkward and fleeting glances he had thrown Seokmin while typing at a million words per minute. “No one’s answering me.”

Seokmin closes his eyes and leans against the door. “I put my bag down on the counter before I came in here, so I don’t have access to anything.”

“So, what excuse did they give you?” Soonyoung asks, tiredly scrubbing his face with his palms. He lets out a slow groan before sinking onto the floor. “Seungkwan told me that he left his project on Jisoo’s desk and that no one else was answering him so I came to get it.”

“Jisoo told me that he forgot a textbook and needed me to get it before meeting him in the library.”

Soonyoung snorts. “You fell for that? Little mister perfect doesn’t fucking forget anything, ever.”

Seokmin can’t help but scoff in a joking way to meet Soonyoung’s retort. “Well, at least I’m not the one who actually fell for  _ Seungkwan _ working on a  _ project _ . Willingly. With Jisoo. Because they get on like a house on fire, right?”

Between a group as large as theirs, it’s unavoidable that certain pairs don’t work well together. 

Soonyoung and Seokmin, for example. Soonyoung’s too impatient and brash to listen and Seokmin hates not understanding everything that’s being thrown at him. It’s a tough combination. 

Jisoo and Seungkwan, on the other hand, are absolute monstrosities together. Jisoo’s natural predisposition “maternal instincts” seem to disappear and transforms him into a bratty kid who wants to get his way no matter what, and Seungkwan  _ hates _ losing so he just riles the both of them up into disasters. 

It’s never pretty when they work together, but it seems like somehow, it went fine today. 

Seokmin sours at that. 

Seriously. 

They choose to bond over trapping two fully grown men into Jisoo’s dorm room? 

The little interval of quiet laughter dies down as quickly as it had started, however, and Seokmin’s back to awkwardly standing still and averting his eyes to the side. The floor is particularly interesting today. 

“You know why they did this, right?”

Soonyoung’s unexpected voice cuts through the tension-filled air like a hot knife, and Seokmin releases a thin exhale through his nose. 

“Yeah.”

“If I text Jisoo that we made up, he’ll let us out. We’ll wait a couple more minutes so it looks like we talked, and then I’ll send him the message.”

Seokmin twists his fingers together, licking his lips carefully when his stomach starts to roll. He can’t believe he’s about to suggest this. 

“Or, you know,” Seokmin keeps his eyes glued on a scratch he sees on the floor. “We could actually just talk it out. I feel uncomfortable with what happened the other day. So yeah, this isn’t the ideal situation at all, but I’d like to at least try and figure out why you did what you did.”

“I don’t really want to g-”

“Soonyoung,” Seokmin gains a little bit more confidence and his words aren’t as soft as before. “You kissed me out of nowhere and then ran away. I deserve to know why you took your frustrations out on me like that.”

Soonyoung curls himself up, holding his knees to his chest and letting his chin fall on top of them. “It was just a kiss.”

“Well, it wasn’t to me! You rejected me, humiliated me, and made me feel like shit! I mean, I don’t want to get together or expect you to get down on one knee and propose, but you need to tell me why you kissed me! I didn’t like it!”

“Y-you, do you mean that? You don’t want me anymore?”

“Uh,  _ yes _ , which is what I’ve been  _ saying _ for the last couple of weeks! I mean, how masochistic do you think I am? How could I be okay with myself after how harshly you treated me if I kept liking you?”

Soonyoung scrambles up to his feet and before Seokmin can even process anything, the dancer shoots across the room and grips Seokmin’s sleeve. 

“You really mean that?”

“I think I’m doing pretty well in enunciating that no, I don’t like you.”

“N-no, that’s not, that’s not what how th-this, no, c’mon, Seokmin, really?”

Seokmin decides that he can’t be blamed for his confusion. 

“No, I don’t. So don’t feel guilty and just tell me honestly why you did that.”

“How much would you want to punch me if I said it’s because I like you?”

The rage that suddenly fills Seokmin’s body is hard to describe with words. It floods every nerve and vein inside of him, and he reacts by jerking his arm out of Soonyoung’s grip. 

“What the fuck?” Seokmin breathes, still trying to find the right phrase. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Eloquent, as always. 

“I - I know, I need to apologize for what I did. But it’s just, I just, I don’t  _ get  _ it! I’m not supposed to like you, o-or, no, that’s not what I meant, ugh,  _ fuck _ , i just mean, I didn’t m-”

“Take a deep breath for me, Soonyoung,” Seokmin says quietly. Yeah, he’s still pretty fucking confused but it’s not like Soonyoung sending himself straight into a panic attack will help. “It’s not like I can go anywhere right now, so just take your time and start from the beginning. I’ll choose how to react once I’ve heard it. Can you do that? Like an adult?”

Soonyoung slowly nods and steps back, head hanging low so Seokmin can’t see his face. 

“I don’t really know. I mean, I guess I do, but it’s just, it’s hard to explain or whatever. So. Um, here goes nothing, I guess.”

Seokmin takes a seat on Jisoo’s swivel chair and wraps his cardigan around himself a bit tighter. “Go ahead, I’m listening.”

“You remember, uh, you remember how when we were freshmen? How I was dating Hyun-woo at the time?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, uh, he was my first. Like, everything. Well, I mean, he was my first guy. And you know, in a lot of ways, I think that relationship was important. I realized I was bi, and stuff like that, and I just. I don’t know. I felt pampered and I liked it. Like, up until then, with all the girls I was with, it was  _ my _ job to do the spoiling, you know? Always the supporter, always the strong one, the big spoon, whatever, stuff like that, I guess. And with Hyun-woo, he showed me that I could kind of just do whatever I wanted and I didn’t have to feel nervous about asking him to hold me. And stuff. You know? I, I mean, I don’t know. Maybe you know.”

“Sure,” Seokmin says. “I mean, the first time I was with a guy, it kind of just clicked. So yeah, I know what you mean.”

“R-right, so it was like that. And well, you know, when you’re with someone, and it starts getting serious, well, like, you, you know. You two end up, like-”

“Having sex?”

Soonyoung flushes so red he could literally pass as a tomato, but nods anyways. 

“Uh, well, yeah. And uh, well, like, so, you know. Hyun-woo and I, like, we did it. And it hurt for me a lot, but he promised that as long as I just relaxed and kept doing it, over time, and, but it, well, I don’t know. It just never did. I mean like, it wasn’t terrible, but it was just like I was pretending to do it, or least pretending to want it. And it might sound misleading to say this, but even after the first couple of times, I just didn’t get the point of wanting to do something so painful. I mean, I don’t think he forced me explicitly, but when I said no to him, it just hurt me because I felt like I was wrong for doing that. And after a while, he started cheating on me with girls because he said they felt better than someone who kept crying, but I didn’t find out until months later his affairs. And the whole time he was sleeping with other people, he refused to see me and pretended to be hurt and angry when I said no, so I just gave up and said yes because I didn’t want to lose the first guy that ever made me feel comfortable in my own skin. It wasn’t a crazy breakup, but it took longer than it should’ve because I got scared.”

It’s silent for a bit as Seokmin lets the words sink into his brain. He rolls them around his tongue, sees how the weight feels on his shoulders. 

Soonyoung’s confession is heavy, but isn’t something he can’t take. 

“Soonyoung,” Seokmin starts slowly. “What does this have to do with you hurting me? Don’t tell me you were planning on saying all of this, and then blame your horrible behavior on it. I can’t tell you how much I want to punch Hyun-woo right now, but you did the same thing he did to you, to me. Made me feel like I was shit. Made me feel invalid. Even after I took your rejection and accepted it, you didn’t drop the fact that I had confessed. You made fun of me in front of everyone and only stopped when you got called out. Not by me, but others. What’s the point of this? I want to listen to you. And I am. And I will. But I’ll do it as a friend. You don’t get to confess to me like that, you can’t tell me you like me and expect me to excuse you because of what someone else did to you.”

“N-no, Seokmin, I-I know, I know what I’m saying to you doesn’t justify the way I acted towards you, and everyone else, b-but, I was scared, okay? I-I, I was terrified! Because, when I met you for the first time and you smiled at me, it was just, I was with Hyun-woo but you felt so safe to be around. And when I came to you crying, you didn’t even ask and you just hugged me and you let me cry and I-I, it, I just felt  _ wrong _ for feeling like that when I was with someone else, but when you hugged me, I just kept thinking,  _ this person wouldn’t hurt me, this person couldn’t, he wouldn't hurt me _ , and so I didn’t know what to do with myself! I was dating someone else, for fuck’s sake, but I kept thinking about how much  _ ncer _ and  _ better _ you were, and I didn’t want to like you, so I thought that maybe if I acted mean towards you, it would just die out naturaly. But even after I ended things with him, you treated me the same and that day, when you confessed, it just. My heart felt like it finally clicked, you know? And I should’ve said yes, I should’ve been at my knees apologizing to you and I should’ve accepted you, I wish I could, I wanted to, I  _ needed _ to, but I just. I couldn’t. I’m fucking terrified that the same thing is going to happen again. What if you make me feel safe and then leave me? What if you end up liking someone else? I wouldn’t be able to hold you back. I don’t want to hold you back. I know what I’m saying is so fuckign cliche and not a way to justify what I did. I know that. But please, Seokmin,  _ please _ , tell me that even the tiniest part of you wants me, too,  _ please _ , tell me I’m not losing my mind because I want you  _ so, so bad _ and I don’t know how to say it, I don’t know how to show it and I’m so fucking terrified.”

Soonyoung bursts into tears and clutches his face with his hands, pressing his palms into his lips in a failed attempt to try and quiet himself. His shoulders wrack violently up and down as he continues to sob, legs shaking and eyes squeezed shut. 

Seokmin is left speechless. 

Truly floored. 

He just quietly pulls Soonyoung into a tight tug, pushing his face into the crook of Soonyoung’s exposed neck. Soonyoung smells like clean soap and desperation and Seokmin just holds him tighter and tighter and tighter; there’s really nothing else he  _ can _ do. 

“Seokmin,” Soonyoung pleads quietly. “ _ Please _ , I know. I  _ know _ you can’t accept this right now, I know that my actions can’t be erased, but, can’t you give me time? Promise to give me a little bit of time. I’ve never stopped reflecting and hating myself for what I’ve said to you. Just, I know this sounds so cliche, but, just one chance.  _ One _ chance, nothing more. I’ll stop, I swear, if you don’t want it, but can’t you just give me one more chance?”

Seokmin doesn’t relax his embrace on Soonyoung but he definitely can’t stop the way his muscles stiffen up, and Soonyoung responds by gripping the back of Seokmin’s cardigan a bit tighter. 

“Soonyoung, I-I, I don’t really have a good answer for you right now. It’s really not about how you hurt me anymore. I’m over that. You’ve apologized and I’m accepting it. It’s just that, I don’t think I like you anymore. I think over the last couple of months or whatever, my heart’s just come to the conclusion that we don’t fit as well as I wish we did.”

“N-no, please, Seokmin,” Soonyoung shoves his face into Seokmin’s chest, openly crying and soaking the thin fabric with his tears. “P-please, one chance,  _ please _ , we do work, we  _ will _ work, please -”

“C’mon, Soonyoung,” Seokmin gently starts to push Soonyoung away from him, which proves to be a struggle with how hard he’s trying not to let go. “We should get up. Call Jisoo.” 

“Seokmin!”

“ _ Soonyoung _ . Don’t make this harder than it has to be. I can’t. You can’t make me give you another chance. I’m sorry, I really am. But let’s just take a breather, okay? You need to deal with yourself first. I can’t do this.”

“Seokmin,  _ Seokmin _ , I-I don’t want to! I don’t w-”

“This isn’t an argument.”

-

-

Jisoo’s POV

-

-

“I hate you, you know that, right?”

Jisoo groans and flops down on his bed, acknowledging with a hand motion that he’s heard Seokmin. “I know, I know. I guess that just. Really backfired. I’m sorry. I’ll let you hate me. I have no right to try and defend myself when my plan failed  _ that bad _ .”

“No, no, it’s whatever,” Seokmin sighs out. “Honestly, I have no idea what to feel. When I asked him to talk things out with me, I didn’t know it would take such a drastic turn.”

Jisoo holds his pillow to his chest and buries his chin into it. “So, how do you feel? About his confession.”

“I surprised myself by not accepting it, I guess. To be honest, I don’t really have a good reason for it. Maybe if he wasn’t so desperate. I think he’s just confused. Or sad. He told me about his past with Hyun-woo, and then jumped straight into a confession. So it just wasn’t the best timing for me to accept him blindly.”

“How are you not hating me right now?”

Seokmin shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess I’m glad I finally got closure on why he was such an ass to me. And you didn’t plan for it to be so upsetting.”

“You’re too nice, Seokmin,” Jisoo giggles. “Well, maybe not to S-”

“Finish that sentence and I kill you. Should I remind you of your rough patch with Jeonghan right now?”

“Ugh, you fucker.”

“Hey, speaking of Jeonghan, uh, weren’t you supposed to meet him or something?”

Jisoo turns on his side and faces the wall. “I don’t know. He’s been pushing off plans a lot these days and I know he’s still mad. Or at least upset with me. So I’m not pushing him, but it feels awkward. I was going to get dinner with him today but he cancelled a couple of hours ago and said he had to work in the commons with his lab partners.”

“Yeesh. I don’t even have a single shred of advice for you. Do you know who he’s working with?”

“Why?”

“Because I know a couple people in the class. You said he was in the commons, right? Why don’t you just drop by with a coffee for him to say hi? And I could say hi to my friends if there are any buddies.”

“Don’t you think he’d get mad?”

“Why? You’re just bringing him a coffee.”

“I guess. Well, he told me Seokjin and Mark, so.”

“Oh, cool, I know Mark. Jisoo, let’s go. You need to get some fresh air and I need to get out of this fucking room.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, c’mon. If you’re fast enough at changing, I’ll buy you a cookie.”

“You can’t take that back, you know!”

“Hurry it the fuck up, then!”

-

-

“Do you see him anywhere?” 

Jisoo squints his eyes around the tables in the dimly lit common, but he can’t seem to make Jeonghan out anywhere. 

“No, but the tables in the back have people sitting there, so we should check it out,” Seokmin says, taking a sip at his latte. He wrinkles his nose when a puff of steam makes its way right into his eye, and Jisoo giggles as he takes a bite of his cookie (the one successfully acquired by Seokmin). 

“Okay,” Jisoo responds simply, before following Seokmin down to the tables. The main lights overhead are turned off, but the ones underneath the tables and the small light attachments on the walls are still on, which gives a generally creepy vibe to the emptying commons room. The staircase leading down to the actual hall is approaching, barely lit by a single light that hangs from the ceiling. 

“Anyways, you think we should’ve bought drinks for the others? I know I was just going to say hi but now I feel kind of bad walking to deliver Jeonghan a drink and then leaving them emptiahnded.”

Jisoo shrugs and finishes off his cookie. He swallows before he answers. “I mean, I don’t know them personally so I guess it wouldn’t be  _ too _ rude, but yeah. Maybe we should h-”

Seokmin stops in his tracks, resulting in a bruised nose for Jisoo. 

Jisoo steps back, clutching his face. “Ow, what was that for! I almost dropped Jeonghan’s coffee!”

“Uh, we should go back.”

“What? We just spent the last thirty minutes g-”

“Text Jeonghan, see where he is.”

“Huh?”

“Just do it.”

“O-okay?”

Jisoo hands Seokmin the coffee in his hand so he can take his phone out, confused as to why Seokmin’s acting so weird all of a sudden. 

_ Jisoo: hey jeonghan! _

Jeonghan responds quickly. 

_ Jeonghan: hey soo. whats up.  _

_ Jisoo: just wondering where u were. i have a surprise for you.  _

_ Jeonghan: oh im in my room. is it urgent? i kind of got ready for bed.  _

_ Jeonghan: sorry. i just realized we were supposed to facetime for a little before sleeping.  _

_ Jisoo: damn.  _

_ Jisoo: i had a coffee to give you since you said you were working on a lab until late :( _

_ Jeonghan: aw ty  _

_ Jeonghan: i dont think ill be able to drink it rn tho :( _

_ Jisoo: its cool, ill just toss it for today lol. it was my bad for not checking in with where you were, anyways.  _

_ Jeonghan: ill talk to you tomorrow at lunch _

_ Jisoo: goodnight!  _

_ Jeonghan: gn _

Jisoo holds his phone for a bit, unsure of how to feel. 

It’s clear that Jeonghan was trying to push him off the phone, and the stomachache comes back. Seokmin clears his throat. 

“Where is he?”

“He said he’s in his dorm. I guess he finished early. He’s about to sleep, so I’ll have to throw the coffee out.”

“That whore.”

“What?” Jisoo says quietly, shocked at the way Seokmin’s standing with his jaw set tight. 

“I  _ said _ , Jeonghan’s a  _ whore _ .”

“Seokmin, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Seokmin points over the balcony to the hall and glares at something. “I don’t know, why don’t you check for yourself?”

The stomachache worsens and Jisoo takes a couple of steps to get closer to the railing, before peering out over the edge. 

He’s glad he’s not holding the coffee in his hand. 

“What?” Jisoo asks, as if there’s anyone to respond back to him. “Who is that?”

Jeonghan’s there. 

But he’s not supposed to be. 

And there’s someone with him. 

Jisoo squints a bit harder. 

A girl? 

_ A girl _ ?

Why would Jeonghan lie about being in his dorm? 

Seokmin scoffs. “I say we confront him right no-”

Jisoo’s already flying down the stairs. 

He reaches Jeonghan in no time, and he’s sure the shock that’s painted on Jeonghan’s face is the same expression on his own right now. 

“Jisoo!”

“Wh-what?” Jisoo stutters. The girl gives the both of them a weird look, but doesn’t move away from Jeonghan’s side. “I-I, y-you, you said you were in your dorm? B-but, I j-”

“What’re you doing here?” Jeonghan demands quietly. 

“T-the coffee, I c-came to drop it off, but I didn’t see you so I texted you?”

Jisoo can feel the hot trail of tears on his face before he can actually register that he’s crying. 

“Are you okay?” 

Jisoo snaps his head to the side. It’s the girl. 

“Y-yeah,” Jisoo nods. “Um, who are you?”

Jeonghan puts an arm out in front of the girl and grits his jaw. “She’s no one you need to be concerned with. I’ll talk to you when I get back to my room, Jisoo.”

“N-no, you’re talking to me now! What’s going on!”

Jisoo ignores the confused look on the girl’s face. 

She doesn’t matter right now. 

Jisoo can’t seem to tear his eyes off the arm that Jeonghan’s still holding out across her body, like he’s  _ protecting her _ . 

“I  _ said _ , I’ll talk to you  _ later _ .”

Jisoo shakes his head, vision blurring with more unspilled tears. 

This hurts. 

Something hurts. 

His stomach, his heart, his heads. 

Everything throbs with liquid fire, pulsing and pushing against his skin. 

“No, Jeonghan, I wa-”

“Is your friend okay?” The girl asks, eyes wide at Jeonghan. She puts a dainty little hand on Jeonghan’s shoulder. “I can just meet you another time.”

“Friend?” Jisoo shoots back. “ _ Friend _ ?”

“Yeah, he’ll be fine,” Jeonghan says, ignoring Jisoo’s words. “I’ll walk you back,”

The girl gives Jisoo a tight smile. “Uh, it was nice meeting you.”

And then the two of them disappear. 

Jisoo can’t move. 

Can’t breathe. 

What’s he supposed to do? Scream? Throw a fit? Collapse and die? 

He’s so numb he can barely feel Seokmin pulling him up roughly up the stairs, away away away from this place. 

Jisoo lets himself get dragged along. 

Can’t move. 

Can’t move can’t move can’t move. 

_ What.  _

_ The hell.  _

_ Is happening? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will getting slower, unfortunately! uni is starting again and i can't neglect my work!
> 
> also this is heartbreaking for me to write, but im afraid ill have to leave and "retire" faster than i thought :(
> 
> i know i promised a lot of new works and oneshots that were requested, but plans change and i wont be able to keep up with it. i will finish every fic i have up right now, but i won't be able to start anything new. maybe ONE more super short one (five or less chapters). 
> 
> thank you so much to everyone who has been supporting me. i hope you enjoyed this angst-ridden nightmare of a chapter !


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